Not a time to Celebrate

[smartass_captain]

Jim's made it. Holidays are done, big damn speech over, all without alerting the crew to how detached their Captain has become in the last week and a half. With all the extra shifts he'd taken on over Christmas, it would be easy to assume Bones made him take the day off to rest and recuperate.

They'd be wrong.

Bones knew Jim wouldn't be on shift on the Fourth. He never does much of anything that day. If the end of December drains the light out of the Captain's smile, then the first week of January looks like it's killing him. He and Spock tried to get him out of his quarters and focused on something--anything else. But Jim's shut himself away in his room. There's a holo set up on his desk of a man who looks an awful lot like Jim, standing happily beside his mother.

Jim stares at it from his seat, before burying his head in his hands. His birthday isn't something to celebrate. It's a reminder of the tragedy that changed everything.

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[brave_heart_verity]

Jim may have locked and barricaded his door. He may have even shut off the comm to his room. But did he remember his cell?

Because it's chiming. He's got a text! Hey, you busy? I could use your help with something.

[smartass_captain]

Most days Jim would be in the Nexus before he even hit reply. Today is not most days.

Sorry, can you ask Clint? Todays not good for me. The last thing he needs is more people worrying over him right now, and he really isn't in the mood to pretend to be happy. Doubly so because it won't work on Verity. So that's right out.

He tosses his cell back on his desk and sighs. Where's that bourbon Scotty gave him for Christmas? Maybe he can get shitfaced and sleep the rest of the day away. That sounds like a better idea than sitting here moping.

[brave_heart_verity]

He's on Avengers duty today. And this food isn't going to eat itself.

There are pictures coming now. Pictures, Jim. Look what you've made her resort to.



Half of it's vegan, so if Spock's around, he can have some too.

[smartass_captain]

It'll keep until tomorrow, won't it?

Why not add feeling like a dick for blowing off your big sister to your pile, Jim? What a shitty brother you are. Jim shuts off his cell and tosses it aside. He can't do anything right.

He doesn't want her to see him like this though. And he knows he can't lie to her. Avoiding her is the only option he can think of. Good thing Clint's busy--it should stop Verity from gathering reinforcements.

How rude! https://media.giphy.com/media/o9qT6CP4XyICY/giphy.gif

[brave_heart_verity]

Oh, Jim. Did you really think it's that easy? (Admittedly, she'd kind of hoped it would be.)

Did he forget that he showed her how to open that door to engineering once? Because she is perfectly willing and able to just show up outside his door and start knocking. Once she, you know, gets there. It's a bit of a schlep.

Okay, she hadn't expected there to be other people in the hallway trying to get in, too, but it's nothing she can't work with. Peer pressure is a thing. So, greetings are made, opinions are shared, and pretty soon... Knock knock. "Jim? I have apples and booze. Open up! Otherwise, we're going to have a picnic out here in the hallway without you."

[smartass_captain]

"Doctor McCoy. Ms. Willis. I must say, are we not perhaps overreacting? The Captain has expressed his wish for solitude today. What evidence is there that he would be in any danger?"

"I've lived with the man before, Spock. The last thing that Jim needs is to be alone with his demons right now. Now are you gonna help us or not?" Bones knows Spock is worried, no matter how detached he tries to seem. "You've gotta get back to the bridge, and I ain't exactly go all day to hang around in here either." The doctor gives Verity a sympathetic glance. "Jim's always like this on his birthday. "

"If you insist, doctor." Spock shifts and punches in the Captain's own override code into the door. Verity might even be able to see what it is if she's sneaky enough.


Jim looks up at the door opening, a scowl evident on his face.

"Oh for fuck's sake, you guys. I'm fine. How did you even do that?"

"Apologies, Captain. You may file a report against me if you wish. We surmised it was necessary to check up on you."

[brave_heart_verity]

"That's why I came prepared," she assures the doctor. It's almost like she's been planning for this since she found out it'd be a problem. But that would be silly. Just like thinking she's trying to piece together that override code is silly. She would never. "Thank you, Mr. Spock."

Jim's scowl is met with a hint of a smile and an arched eyebrow. "Maybe some people respect getting real food delivered. You're welcome, of course. You hungry?"

[smartass_captain]

"I know what you're doing. All of you, get out." Jim looks legitimately angry. "That's an order, Mister Spock."

"Order my achin' ass." Bones rolls his eyes and moves further inside. "You're being an infant. She came all the way here t'see you. And do I have to remind you that when it comes to protecting the health of the crew--including you--I outrank you Jim? I authorized Mister Spock to get us in here. And I'm ordering you to put something in yer system other than the bottle of booze you've got at your desk."

The doctor claps his hand on Jim's shoulder. "We're worried about you, Jim. You can't keep doin' this to yerself, man."

"Oh my god. I'm not going to kill myself or anything what the hell." Jim tries to pull away from Bones, but he isn't meeting the other's gaze. He's got his eyes focused on the floor. "It's fine. Ver, come on, don't do this. I told you I just wanted to be left alone today."

[brave_heart_verity]

"Yeah, and when you decided you wanted me to be your sister, you told me you like it when I take care of you." She's not getting out. She's unpacking. There's food and omg the biggest fluffiest cuddle-blanket ever, in bright gold just like his uniform and she's just putting it on his bed like she owns the place.

"I brought drinks, too, but apparently you started without us. Now, after you eat something, if you truly want me to leave, I will. But not until you've had a decent meal."

[smartass_captain]

"Excellent. Take a seat, Spock. We'll camp out just long enough to make sure the captain takes his meal, then we can get back to our actual jobs."

"I agree, Doctor. It would be unwise to come this far and then leave the captain unsupervised. A moment." Spock strolls out through the bathroom he and Jim share, before coming back in with another chair, plus a teapot that has been stacked atop it. "Have you ever had Vulcan tea, Ms. Willis? I shall be making some for myself, as I am still on duty."

"You--what..." Jim sputters. He can't believe they're just going to ignore him like this. What's more, they're starting a picnic in his quarters. Like it's no big deal. And Spock, of all people, is helping! "Fine. Christ--fine. I'll eat."

[brave_heart_verity]

Jim needs to learn he's not always the boss when Ver's around. Really, it'll save them a lot of this arguing.

"I have not, Mr. Spock, but I'd love to try some." The croissants and a bowl of white bean and kale soup are set down in front of where Spock's putting his chair. "Jim told me that Vulcans have particular dietary restrictions, so these and the tian are all vegan. I hope that's okay?"

She's not ignoring Jim, of course. He's too angry to want to talk right now, so she'll pile a plate full of mashed potatoes, steak tips, and tian for him with one of the apple and goat cheese tartlets on the side. Once he's sitting she gives his shoulder a brief touch, testing how he reacts to it right now before shifting her attention to serving Bones.

"So, Doctor, given how perfectly nutritious replicator food is and real food is not, has Jim's foraging forays had an ill effect on his health?" This is her attempt at light banter. She hopes he'll play along because she's really not good at these things.

[smartass_captain]

"Very well." Jim knows those two are working together by the distinct lack of arguing Bones and Spock are doing. They usually sass back and forth no matter the situation. He opens his mouth at least once to make a comment, only to get one of the Vulcan's raised eyebrows and tilts of his head.

Do you really want to test his patience, Jim? He's here instead of on the bridge because of you, after all. Can't even take care of yourself enough to let your crew work without you.

Spock hands Verity a cup of vaguely clove-smelling grassy tea. It's definitely going to be a subtle blend, whatever it is. Jim accepts the food Verity's made for him with a muttered thanks, but he doesn't seem to react to the touch. If anything, Jim's gone completely quiet while he begins to eat. He's glad he shut off the holo before the picnic started.

"No moreso than anything else he does." McCoy gives Verity a sympathetic shrug. "Jim's pretty good about keeping to his list. He knows how bad this would be for all of us if we had to explain an allergic reaction he shouldn't have had on ship."

"The doorway also gives acceptable ability to procure items we would otherwise be unable to obtain in an emergency situation. The Captain has made quite a remarkable argument for its continued usage, and has as of yet had no ill effects on the efficiency of our greater assignment." Ironically, the only one any good at light banter here is Jim. Who is not inclined to say much of anything as he picks at his food.

[brave_heart_verity]

Once everyone's got their food Verity sits down with her own and the cup of tea she's been offered. She takes her time savoring the aroma before tasting it; both appear to meet with her approval. Spock's approval of the menu is a relief, and the tea is helping her relax too. But she's keeping an eye on Jim the whole time. "This is nice, thank you. What's it called?" She's going to see if she can find it anywhere in the Nexus. The real stuff, not replicator tea.

She nods along with the conversation, occasionally looking to Jim to see if he wants to chime in. "We try to be careful of his food issues. It's not hard." He is worth the effort and remains so even when he's grumpy.

"Maybe you should come visit someday. Make sure you're familiar with the lay of the land before that emergency situation." Because if the stoic Mr. Spock thinks a place is cool, it must be pretty hip. And maybe he can make sure nobody tries to turn the people who live there into lab rats or autopsy subjects.

[conjuredskies]

He was warned about Jim’s mood at this time of year, but Felix didn’t take that as reason to stay away from Jim so much as from the subject of festivities. He can indulge his concerns and be there to help and keep his mouth shut when it ought to be. He likes to think he’s good at that.

Since Jim isn’t around the Nexus, he finds a quiet corner to text from.

Stratos is away and a thief has laid hands on his brandy stash. Interested in disposing of some evidence?

[smartass_captain]

Not going anywhere today.

Is the simple reply. Nothing about being busy or even implying Jim isn't interested in Felix's latest plots. Maybe he's sick. He hasn't been in the Nexus since the incident with his mother, and it's easy to find out from Verity or even Jim directly that he'd worked as many shifts as they'd let him last week.

Maybe he's pushed himself too hard?

[conjuredskies]

It's the simplest explanation. Felix stares over the message for a minute, frets briefly over what it could mean. The frustrating part with these quick little texts is they convey nothing about tone and attitude; he could glean so much more from such cues. He worries briefly that this at last is his subtle hint to back off - then reminds himself that Jim doesn't trouble with subtlety.

It still seems ambiguous whether he's been given an invitation or an excuse; he decides to gamble on it being the former. He wants to check how Jim is, if he accomplishes nothing else. He pulls on his Earth/space clothes and shoves a few smaller phials into his alcohol-laden satchel.

Only at the next-to-last minute does he reply: Then I know where to find you.

He's not giving Jim time to object before he shows up in person.

[smartass_captain]

Jim's phone buzzes and is ignored. Either it's Verity asking him for things or Felix asking him what's wrong and Jim just...can't. Not today. There's a holo image if a man who looks remarkably like Jim standing next to what must be a younger Winona Kirk all smiles. Both of them in their Starfleet cadet uniforms. Jim's been staring at it for a while now, while slowly working on the bottle of bourbon Scotty had gotten him for Christmas.

It's the only link Jim has with his father. And this is a well practiced birthday ritual for Jim. He rests his head in his hands a moment, muttering something or other under his breath. When he looks up again, Felix is in his room and Jim startles visibly, nearly falling out of his chair.

yay html

[conjuredskies]

His mouth quirks slightly: there's at least one question answered. At least Jim is upright?

"I didn't quite count on that reaction," he observes ruefully. He notices the picture too - is that Winona? Smiling? Hm. Felix takes a moment to unsling his bag as he comes over, giving Jim time to hide the image if he'd rather not risk discussing it.

[smartass_captain]

Jim hasn't thought to hide the holo. His mouth is snapping open and closed like a fish, and he's blinking rapidly while he tries to process this. Jim locked his quarters down. How? How is anyone in here, let alone Felix?

The PINppoint Jim. You gave it to him less than three weeks ago.

"What?" The stupid reaction is the only one the captain manages, vaguely aware by the smell that hes spilled his drink.

[conjuredskies]

Which makes Felix aware that clever games just aren't going to happen here. He sets the clinking bag down; if Jim isn't holding it, he reaches over to set the spilled glass upright.

"I sent you a message," he reminds gently. Or possibly explains: he's getting the impression at least one of his texts went astray. One thing at a time. "Is there a cloth for that?"

[smartass_captain]

"What? Oh...Shit." Jim pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs heavily. "That's good stuff too. Dammit." Felix will be encouraged to taste it later. Right now Jim's focused on cleaning up.

"I got th'first one."

[conjuredskies]

"Sorry about that. The good news is, I brought plenty more." Besides one or two more literally medicinal draughts. He's using the cleanup time to look Jim over. The drink is one thing, but when was the last time he slept?

"Ah. I sent another, but it doesn't matter. Perhaps it wouldn't have helped anyway."

[smartass_captain]

"Oh...yeah it did buzz again. I didn't look yet." Jim's certainly looked worse, but definitely not in the time Felix has known him. He's got clear signs of exhaustion and he's definitely not sober. He doesn't look drunk yet--Jim hasn't been drinking that long.

He finally seems to notice the holo of his parents is still up and Jim pauses again to stare at his father's face before shutting it off.

"There's more bourbon. 'm just sad I wasted any of it. Was a present from a friend."

[conjuredskies]

Felix nods. He's seen people in a mood to drink their sorrows into oblivion before. But they were rarely his business in any way. Seeing Jim in this state gives him pangs of concern. Just how bad are the memories haunting him?

"It's a shame." He sidles up to Jim and slips an arm around his back. "Your father?"

He's judging his tone very carefully: inquisitive, so Jim knows he's willing to listen, without getting interrogative. Some people prefer to talk about what's on their mind, but Jim can brush him off easily enough if he's not one of them.

[smartass_captain]

"...Yeah. S'my old man." Jim's gaze stutters, from where the holo was to the floor and then up again. "He uh...he died so his crew could evacuate form the ship. ...The day I was born, I mean."

Shrug. Everyone knows what happened, at least Starfleet. No reason to hide that bit of info. Jim runs his hand through his hair and sighs.

"Sorry." Explaining why? That would be for people who are thinking about anything but their own inner demons.