It's been a Long Night [Body Swap LOL, for Ixis]

[smartass_captain]

It's well past two am by the time Jim and Verity make it back to the tower. They're both tired and Jim's already had a mug of that dream-free tea Viatorus was kind enough to provide for him during his meet up with Schon earlier.

He'll awkwardly give Verity a hug before waving her off to bed and heading back to the couch to try and get some semblance of sleep, if only to make it tomorrow all the quicker.

Jim is not expecting to see his body perched on the end of the couch, looming at him in the darkness.

"Okay, what the fuck now??"

Comments

[ixis]

He is indeed perched. Like some kind of hunched, grim gargoyle, jaw jutted out in a near comical frown. Glaring from behind furrowed brows.

"Where did you think you're going out in the middle of the night like this!? Didn't think I would notice? Hah! I can still hear just enough, even with these ears. Not to mention tremoursense. Nothing's going to move in this tower without me noticing!"

Is he bragging? At a time like this?

[smartass_captain]

"I needed some fresh air. And, in case you missed it, I wasn't exactly alone." After a while, because Jim left way before Verity did. He was expressly asked not to bring up the details with Naugus, but no one said anything about stating other facts.

"Your body has some fucked up dreams. I didn't remember anything after I woke up, but I woke up freaking the fuck out."

[ixis]

He blinks, the anger leaving just as quick.

"Really? I never remember my dreams. Not once since the day I first awoke. It was a matter I brought up with Viatorus once upon a time, in fact. I never saw a satisfactory conclusion to it all.

"How sure are you you weren't just dreaming things you otherwise would in your own skin? Are you just looking to blame me for every ounce of misery this event has caused?"

[smartass_captain]

"...No. I dream about when I died, usually. Or...when I was part of a mass execution and starvation on a planet when I was younger." It's so much easier to talk about these sorts of things to people he doesn't care about their opinion of him.

He shuts his eyes and seems to sag slightly, as if bringing it up has taken something out of him.

"I remember those dreams. This was different."

[ixis]

Naugus' left hand works slowly, thumb and bunched-together fingers tapping together thoughtfully in a improvised crab claw. "The irradiation, correct? That you spoke of before when I talked about the chaos emerald's abilities."

He's quiet a bit longer, that finger-claw still opening and closing in consideration.

"Tell me again what it was like. To die that way. To die at all."

Because that's certainly something Jim wants to dwell on again rather than try to get some rest! Though Naugus' tone sounds as thoughtful as his expression. Curious in an honest, earnest way.

[smartass_captain]

"...Can you have a beer? Cuz I need one if I'm talking about that right now." Jim sighs and pads his way into the kitchen to get said beverage and then uses his claw to open the bottle. Honestly, he's too tired to argue.

....Okay, that's pretty convenient actually, but Jim has borderline enough of a drinking problem without having a bottle opener in place of a hand. He comes back and hops up onto the couch, shifting his weight until the tail isn't uncomfortably in the way.

"It's like...struggling for every breath. Fighting and feeling your limbs turn leaden, even when you're doing the most basic task. And it hurts. I can't even describe the level of pain as your organs begin shutting down and your mind panics. It burns from the inside out." Jim pauses to take a long draught from the beer.

"And you fight to breathe, to keep going, because the job's not done. Honestly, I was more afraid of dying before I'd saved my crew than death itself. Until I got back to the door and saw my first officer. I was scared. Everything hurt. And even though I struggled, I could feel myself slipping. Like falling asleep but in this awful, heavy way."

There's a long silence then, as Jim stares at the bottle grasped in his one functional hand.

"In the end, you die utterly alone."

[ixis]

No objection to the beer; drink it up.

Naugus listens raptly, still crouched on the arm of the sofa, hands resting on his knees, eyes wide and unblinking. Straining to twitch and swivel ears that aren't there. It just registers as slight shifts of the muscles in his jaw.

Every word is taken in with a profound gravitas. Every description dwelt upon. Trying to imagine. Which organs fail first? He's no surgeon, but he imagines the liver. That one sifts poisons, doesn't it? He remembers the way Kodos lost his mind; his brain going to soup in his skull and making him crazed. Is that how they all went, these dying parts that keep your body alive? Just melting into slurry encased in your bones?

"How long did it take?"

[smartass_captain]

"I don't know." Jim admits. "Time slows down when you hurt that much. When every breath is a concentrated effort. Couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes. I was trying to keep my ship from crashing and killing everyone on board. There wasn't exactly a lot of time."

His own ears have drooped flat, his claw slack at his side. He looks so tired. Tired and resigned.

"I spent longer laying in the quarantine chamber than I did in the reactor itself. Just gasping for air." Feeling his body shutting down. He sighs then and moves to set the beer aside. Pauses. And then offers it to Naugus instead. "I get queasy thinking about it too much." He admits. He's not in the mood to throw up a perfectly good beer, along with the take out Schon had ordered for them earlier.

He's quiet for a moment, staring listlessly across the room at something only he can see.

"Why do you care?"

[ixis]

"Minutes. Hm." He takes the offered beer in both his hands, looking down at it, equally lost in thought for a good chunk of time.

"I mentioned it before, during the first time we went over this. But my most trusted soldier, along with my second-in-command...They both died of the same causes. After they'd escaped exile, after I'd been resealed back in the Zone of Silence, the pair worked together for a common goal. Something that was mine as well. Though both strove for it for very different purposes, ones completely removed from mine, even.

"But they'd taken to the sewers under the doctor's city. A place of oil and metal, sparks and gears. They hid there in those underground tunnels, believing it the best spot to avoid detection by the doctor and the Freedom Fighters alike. But they'd failed to realize that the place was poison. The whole city was fit only for 'bot to inhabit; things who had no reason to rely on bodies of bone and blood. And both had long since lost the connection to my blessing that would have protected them.

"They'd stayed down there for too long. Kodos was first to succumb; just as well. The idiot was always out to kill me, and I just kept him around because his impotent hatred amused me and his fury had its uses. But Uma..."

He hasn't blinked once since he started talking, nor has he looked up from that beer can.

[smartass_captain]

Jim's quiet while Naugus speaks, leaning his head back against the couch and shutting his eyes while he listens.

"That's gradual radiation poisoning. Same idea, but with lower exposure over a longer period of time. I was literally kicking a radioactive crystal back into place. Acute radiation poisoning. That's the only difference." Jim has to open his eyes now, out of fear of what he might see if he shut them any longer.

"Gradual can lead to all kinds of cancer and other symptoms too. It's a slow process, and just as unpleasant, I'd be willing to wager. And even if they'd left one they showed symptoms, it would have been too late."

Damage done. Jim sighs. He doesn't feel the same kind of panic attack in this body as he would in his own. Naugus just isn't as high strung as Jim is. It's...kind of comforting, actually. To be able to talk wihtout feeling himself burning from the inside out again. Sure, it's kind of hard to breathe and he feels nauseous, but that's a picnic compared to the usual. He can handle this.

[ixis]

"Uma was a warrior. A great daughter of the Bride of the Endless Reach, hailing from the distant Dragon Kingdom. Her skill in combat was unmatched, her stealth masterful. She was clever, quick, strong and wise."

His frown deepens. "She'd just sickened and died. Grew weaker and weaker and finally perished. A grossly unfit death for someone as great as she. And I'd only learned of this ages after the fact. I'd hoped she'd made it back to the Dragon Kingdom, considering her and my contract completed. To resume serving her leader and consulting that daft Web of Fate. To have been told otherwise...And that knowledge along with the fact I had impotently failed her children and watched the life drain from them in the doctor's machinations..."

Both hands curl slowly into fists.

[smartass_captain]

"Fucking hurts, doesn't it?" Is..is that sympathy in Jim's voice?

"That's why you don't get close enough to anyone to let their inevitable death or abandonment hurt." Sort of sounds like Jim's talking more about himself then ixis, despite pronoun of choice here.

"...Every single time I lose a crew member, I feel the same way." Jim says finally, staring vacantly up at the ceiling. "Bones says it's unhealthy to blame myself. But I'm their Captain. They're trusting me to see them through. Even...when it's not my fault, it's my fault."

[ixis]

"The rest can burn. Uma and her Arachne, her children, were all that should have been spared such indignities. If she were to die, it should have been in battle. Weapons in her hands and on her feet. Not rotting and melting inside, crippled and helpless. Dying in the dirt. And the Arachne..."

While Jim is enjoying the more subdued instincts of Naugus' body, the wizard is left with the high-key brain chemicals of the captain's. His fingers pick anxiously at the threads of his trousers' knees.

"The life drained from them to fuel the doctor's machines. They were loyal. Unflinchingly loyal. Carrying out my wishes in memory of their mother. And I watched it happen until I no longer had the sense to understand what I was seeing. I was jailed same as they were, but I lost worse than my life."

He shakes his head, looking aside with a deep and frustrated frown. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. Other than me just realizing more and more I've indeed failed the Arachnis line."

[smartass_captain]

"Lose your mind?" Jim's been there, too. Not quite as literally as Naugus, but well. He was only a child then. "Tortured? Raped? Starved?" Abused?" Beat. Jim actually laughs. it's bitter. "Been there, done that. Not at the same time, but."

It's so much easier to talk about this in this body. With Naugus. The idea of verity overhearing fills him with shame. But hell, she hasn't come back yet. I'ts probably fine.

"Probably the same reason i'm telling you." He glances over to his own body, one side of his mouth twitching into a lopsided smirk. "Neither one of us cares what the other thinks. No reason to feel ashamed."

[ixis]

He grimaces at the list of potential indecencies and humiliations. "The only being I ever thought to call my superior turned on me. Harnessed my very soul and mind to protect himself from the draining effects of our jail cell. Used its energies to craft a shield for himself. I was a living battery, just like the Arachne, only I was kept alive and I was being used by a different madman. And of course, even when something provisioned our escape, it did not end there."

He waves vaguely, thinking back on that list. "Like you said."

Then Naugus looks back sharply at Jim and beats a fist against one knee. "And even when I was briefly imprisoned by another, a faction who considered themselves champions of justice? What did they do? Repair me? Restore me? No! Instead, they stuck me in a cell and left me there! And did nothing to keep the so-called mastermind who debased me taking me with him when he staged his breakout of this fresh prison! Pah! How is that justice?! How is that fair?!"

Though Jim's a little off the mark as to why this is being shared. He's still got too much pride. Far, FAR too much pride to fully admit what the circumstances of the treachery enacted on him. Never give anyone ammunition against you. Assume all will betray you, just like Mogul did. That's just the Ixian way, after all.

[smartass_captain]

If Ixis ever told Verity this Jim would throw him out of the tower window. Possibly in a tackle, taking himself with him so he never had to see the look of horror or pity on her face.

It's occurred to him vaguely that Naugus could throw this in his face later. He's certainly petty enough to. But you don't joke about torture. Any kind. He hopes there's enough honor in the magi for that. Besides....it's not something he can hide forever. Verity keeps asking questions. Keeps insisting he talk to people. maybe he's hoping Naugus will be the one to blurt it out in public, so he doesn't have to.

"It's not." Jim says quietly. "Life never is. Fair, I mean."

[ixis]

"Of course not. I'd let my guard down. Had he not proven to be the founder of my caste, I would have never thrown in my lot with that loathsome beast. A mistake that will never happen again. Mark my words, boy; serve no being! None but yourself! Call no one your superior!"

Earnest Naugus advice, given with a stern tone and pointed finger. STERNLY.

[smartass_captain]

"The only man I called my superior is dead." Jim mumbles quietly. Thinking of Pike and the other captains being attacked by Khan makes Jim shudder, even in Naugus' skin. He never wants to see that face again.

"You let Verity live here. Isn't that trust?"

[ixis]

"...I suppose. Yes. I trust her. And more to the point, I also don't feel any threat from her. Other than being pinned uncomfortably close to the truth in her presence, of course." Naugus is a guy who values his lies and double-speak. That's something that'll never change, no matter how much time he spends around Verity.

"But to serve another? Never again. I served the kings of Acorn, yes, but with the clear understanding between us that I was master of all matters that concerned me. I was an authority. But that too was ages ago. Decades upon decades. Things have changed."

[smartass_captain]

"Yyyep." He pops the 'p' sound at the comment about not being able to lie around Verity. Jim, too, has lived most of his life shielded by them. Especially around those he cares for.

The truth would just ruin everything.

"I serve the Federation, but so long as everything goes well, I'm more or less left to my own devices. And I'm in command of my ship. I don't answer to anyone directly." not entirely true, but true enough as Jim sees it. He doesn't even trust the Federation completely anymore.

"...I guess we're not total opposites." He's just a petty dickhead. Come on Jim. Well, at least he didn't say it out loud this time. "Problems with authority, letting folks down, getting fucked over by life in general..."

[ixis]

"Both stunningly gorgeous to our respective species," he adds with a snicker. Good thing Verity's in bed because boy is THAT a whopper.

[smartass_captain]

"Sure...why not." Jim actually smiles at that. guess it's not all death and torture talk for the two of them.

"i'm still kinda mad that you didn't ask me before you took a shears to my body, but it coulda been worse." A pause. "maybe Felix'll like it either way." Shrug. Speaking of though..

"Guessing there's still no progress on fixing this though, huh."

[ixis]

"In my continued defense, I was convinced it was something perverted. It's no sensible place to maintain hair of any kind! Especially since it DOES lend the illusion of being maintained." Humans and their weird, singular patches of fuzz in arbitrary places.

"As far as progress of undoing this, none, I'm afraid. Especially now with the increasing suspicion this spell is cast with the use of psyonics. A realm of magic I have no experience in." A sigh before he remembers, oh yeah, there's that beer Jim handed him. He takes a slurp of that.

[smartass_captain]

"Well, fuck." Yeah, that about sums up the feelings toward this entire swap. One big mess.

"...I'm surprised perverted jumped to the front of your mind." Actually. He sits up straight again. "Actually, no, I'm not. Because I haven't been horny once like this whole time. That's...actually also unsurprising given the circumstances. But I'd have thought at least seeing Felix would have been distracting."

Suspicion is growing.

"...Jesus fucking christ on a cracker, did I leave my libido in my body? Are you okay?" And more importantly, has he stayed away from Felix since >:(

[ixis]

"How insulting. In a body as magnificent as mine and you feel nothing? Have you properly LOOKED at me?" Well, maybe not the face. Everything below the beard, maybe.

There's a long pause at the question. Long enough that it might start to feel like it was TOO weird to ask.

"...I can only conjure so much ice and cold water in this body. Your libido and physical responses to the slightest sexual notion or sight are ABSURD. I can get NOTHING DONE. How do you even EXIST like this."

[smartass_captain]

"Okay, I'm gonna level with you. Impressed? Yes. I don't have the genetics for pecs like yours. Or abs. Or really anything in the torso area. I'm at the gym damn near every day, but there's only so much a guy can do. Horny? No. Not in the least. And even around Felix, I was too busy shitting bricks at the idea of you and him canoodling to really think too hard about it."

Jim winces. It's gonna suck when he gets his body back.

"I've got a lot of love to give, what can I say?" Jim shrugs. "I'm not gonna help you with that problem, but you're free to do what you need to. You gave me permission to run out with Felix, I suppose I should give you permission to at least jack it. Not in front of me, please. And also probably not on Verity's furniture or she'll kill us both."

[ixis]

"I will admit I was severely confused when Felix snuggled up to me. I'd forgotten I was you and was frantically trying to think of a way to gracefully let down someone so young and who admires me as one mage to another. I was trying to also figure out where in our shared misadventures he'd taken a such a sharp turn towards me. So no, it was all a relief when I realized I wasn't the ACTUAL target of that whole exchange."

And then there's all that advice. Naugus scoffs.

"You act like I'm a total beast. I know HOW to and I know WHERE to. Vale's bones, boy. It's just severely disconcerting to have to do it to parts I don't own. Also, good thing I have permission NOW, because I can safely retroactively apply it to the million times it's become a necessity already. Again: how do you function."

[smartass_captain]

"Well excuse me for trying to be a dude about this. Christ. A simple 'too late' would have sufficed." Jim's rolling his eyes so hard they're going to fall out of his head.

"I'm acting under the assumption that most folks wouldn't just go do whatever the fuck they wanted with someone else's body without asking first." He's sorely tempted to go buy lingerie and put it on just so Ixis is wearing it when they swap back. Because wouldn't that get a laugh. Well, Jim would laugh.

"It's not that bad is it? I mean...I'm pretty high strung, but it's not just about that kinda thing. I'm pretty high energy all the time." He looks a bit thoughtful now. "Guess I've gotten used to it? Honestly I don't really pay it any mind most of the time. There's always so much work to do. But when I'm off duty?" Eyebrows are going up.

"Then it's a party."

[ixis]

"I figured it would have stayed discreet and unsaid! Or you'd have accepted it as a side effect of ownership of your body. I don't exactly delight in getting such an unfortunate glimpse at your intimate workings. We can still be 'dudes' about this if we just...accept this for what it is." Which is awkward. Or something.

"I'm not completely sexless, if you're thinking it. I just am more...subdued. And measured." Has to defend his honour here, even if it wasn't being called into question. "You're the one who's tipping the scale a bit hard."

[smartass_captain]

"Discreet and unsaid went out the window the minute you yelled about my pubic hair in front of the entire forum." Jim retorts with a sigh. "You should. In case you haven't noticed, I"m pretty great for that sort of thing." Ixis can be buff as hell fine whatever. Jim doesn't need to be super ultra buff to be the master of the bedroom. So..so there. Or something.

"It's weird for me to not be keyed up. No idea of life expectancy of your species but you're also crazy old compared to me. That makes a difference." Though, even Jim has to shrug at the last argument. "Well, considering you don't want to be? I'm kind of thinking it's not really my fault. Especially since I'm not in your body. That's just the way I was built."

[ixis]

"That's fine, I have no idea of my life expectancy either. I've been going for nearly a century, though, and feel no signs of slowing down, not including a whole portion of my life that I've forgotten. Bodes well for me going a good while longer, doesn't it?" He grins.

[smartass_captain]

"Doesn't that bother you? To have whole chunks of your life just gone form memory?" Not that there isn't chunks of Jim's life he'd rather forget, but...if he did, he had a feeling he'd be the sort to want them back, no matter how bad.

"Seems to be the case. Built more like a Klingon than an old man."

[ixis]

"Bother me? Why would it? I figure if I would have wanted myself to remember, I would have arranged it. Instead, I just woke up with no memory of my past and concluded it was discarded. Unwanted and unneeded. I went on to greatness shortly following my awakening, after all. The best years are always the ones ahead of you!"

The logic is completely mad, but the takeaway is...uplifting? Mostly.

[smartass_captain]

"Awakening..." okay, this makes more sense. When he fought the three headghosts and won, or something. That's gotta be it. He doesn't remember life before becoming fused with them? Quite possibly he wasn't the same person or creature he is now.

Confusing? but also kind of makes sense, even if Jim's just guessing here.

"Only if you make 'em better." Jim quips finally. "So, is the interrogation over? Can I go to bed now? I'm kind of enjoying the idea of sleeping without horrific nightmares for a change."

[ixis]

"Are you not? I thought you said this whole outing was because of a nightmare." Although this at least finally gets Naugus to crawl down from his perch on the arm of the sofa.

[smartass_captain]

"It was, but Viatorus gave me some dream-free tea and I'm not about to turn down a chance to get rest without anyone's fucked up mind or thoughts getting in the way."

Jim wonders briefly if that seat on the arm of the couch had been comfortable, but decides any bruises or pulled muscles Ixis gets from sleeping on stones is just one more problem for future Jim once he gets his body back. Not worth fighting over now.

[ixis]

Naugus still hasn't figured out the problem could be him sleeping on a stone slab, rather than it being yet another failing of Jim's tender body. Not everyone has hide like you, Mr. Wizard.

"That sounds ideal. Like I said, I never remember mine, and my sleep never suffers for it. Highly recommended."

He straightens up, cracking his back loudly with a pleased grimace before turning and tromping up the stairs again without so much as a good night. Bye, apparently.