smartass_captain | Veilguarding - an open post for DAV AU shenanigans

smartass_captain

It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it. Masterpost for Dragon Age Veilguard AU overflow + psls

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From:

smartass_captain

"You could wash up." Taash says, ever the pragmatist. "You stink."

"Wh-what Taash means is there really isn't an urgent need, Illario. You can tend to your things." Harding punches the Qunari in the thigh though it barely registers to Taash they scowl a little and murmurs a 'sorry'.

Since that's not apt to go over real well though, there's no problem leading him back toward the Eluvian.

"Iunno. Something about--" Taash stops. They never knew Isabela's dwarf friend, but Lace did. Isabela did. Jim did. And they all seem to still be grieving him. Some more than others. "Something about him not supposed to be the one calling the shots."

From:

the_other_dellamorte

"Thanks Taash." Illario murmurs, ready to give them a slight shove and almost giving into the urge but- if he does smell, stink Jim could easily decide he'd rather have an unblighted, beautiful partner instead of whatever swamp creature has come back from patrol.

"Five minutes." He says to the other two and rather than grabbing his things, he heads to the water butt, pulling off his leather armour and the shirt beneath and grabbing the soap, scrubbing gore and mud off himself. He doesn't have time to wash his hair or even do any make-up, and he knows he looks tired (the nightmares come thicker and faster than they ever did before) and he misses the sun, but if Jim will still have him, that will be enough.

In the end, its closer to ten minutes, and hes in a clean shirt and combing his fingers through his hair, before pulling it back up and emerging from the curtained off sleeping area the new recruits call their own.

"Let's go. I think I know what he's doing." He's had time to think whilr he washed up, and he knows full well Jim's fears about being a leader. If he can help somehow, then he must. Even if he still stinks.

From:

smartass_captain

"Better." Taash helpfully once again comments when Illario comes back.

"He just needs to let himself rest. Though frankly most of us are terrible about that." Lace admits as she picks at the hem to her shirt. She peers up at Illario with a softer smile. "We thought he'd listen to you, if anyone." She's happy enough to lead them through the Eluvian and back through the Crossroads to the Lighthouse.

----

By now Jim's stopped pacing in the infirmary. He's sat at the end of Varric's bed, elbows resting on his thighs to help keep him upright. His head's buzzing with a headache he staunchly ignores.

"It's not--Be honest with me, Varric. Do you think I'm making a mistake?" He peers over his shoulder to the other, his shoulders slumped with his fatigue.

The old dwarf laughs a little ruefully.

"You wouldn't be the first man I've known to fall for the worst possible person, kid. Love's rarely fair that way. S'why it's so hard to write. Not like you to doubt your instincts, though."

"I'm not. I know...but he was an enemy, once. Some of the others think he still might be. They don't know him like I do. And he's a warden now. Because of me, he's..." Jim drags his hand down his face. "It's taking everything I've got not to go running out to Lavandel this second. Tossing it all away so I can sleep in a cot in the rain next to him."

"Ah, young love..."

Jim snorts.

"Stuff it, you. I'm hardly young anymore."

From:

the_other_dellamorte

"You aren't all that old either, amore." Illario says, as he comes up the stairs towards the open door of the sick room, not having heard everything, but having heard enough. Jim looks so tired, so worn down by the last few months that Illario's own exhaustion from training pales in comparison. He may not be the Treviso heartthrob he once was, but he hopes as he steps into the room that the set of his shoulders gives the impression of a man who has at least some of his life under control.

"I missed you like spring flowers miss the sun." He says, gracefully folding to his knees in front of Jim, gathering the other man's hands in his and kissing at the knuckles, pressing his face into his palms. "But that doesn't mean you have to burn yourself out for me, or for the rest of the world. You promised me you'd look after yourself, bello mio, but you look exhausted."

He releases one hand to reach into Jim's hair, pushing the soft, short lengths back, stroking so tenderly, so gently, as if anything else might make Jim crumble away there and then.

Gods, he should have come back sooner. Just for a few hours, while he had downtime in training. Instead of sleeping, he could have used the Eluvians to come check in on Jim. Not just assumed Jim would go to him when he could, not just hoped Jim would also be sleeping when he got the chance. He should have been doing better. He should have been looking after him.

"How do you feel?"

From:

smartass_captain

"Aaaand here's my cue to roll over and take a nap. Cassanova's got it from here. Just. Take it outside, will you?"

Ordinarily Jim might turn and scowl at Varric again but he can't look away form Illario trotting up the steps and walking in as calm and cool and collected as anything. He looks a little paler than the last Jim saw him--a couple months out in Hossberg would do that to most given how rarely the sun is out--but he still looks good. So much healthier and Jim breaks into a tired smile.

"You're certainly as beautiful as a flower, bello..." Jim murmurs. Illario's on his knees immediately before Jim can haul himself up onto his tired feet. Varric probably won't mind him staying for a moment, surely...

"Who, me?" Jim the shadows under your eyes have shadows. That weak laugh is fooling no one. It's fine, I'm fine. Just had a rough mission is all. But we're back now. I've been trying to plan our next outing and--" Jim trails off and sighs as Illario reaches up to pet his hair. Pushing it out of his eyes. That feels good. It's been growing out these last several months.

"What're you doing here? Did you impress Evka into releasing you already?"

From:

the_other_dellamorte

He smiles, always flattered when Jim turns that Antivan endearment on him, although frankly it is Jim's by right. Jim, even tired as he is, is always beautiful- not just his handsome face, the way his arms hold Illario like a precious thing, or the softness of his form against Illario's harder lines - but there's a bright beauty to his soul that Illario has never seen before, and will never see in anyone else. But that is why seeing Jim like this, stretched so thin, makes Illario's own soul ache.

"Un fiore può essere bello solo quando ha la luce del sole in cui crogiolarsi." He replies, words soft as he leans up to press another kiss to Jim's lips.

"I know you have a lot to do, amore mio, but I think you need to have a day off. A decent night's sleep." He says, voice still soft, private between the two of them. "Lace and Taash came to get me, because you weren't looking after yourself, and no one can tempt you into bed like I can. So I will have to go back, later. But not yet."

He wishes he could tell him he's signed off training, that they think he's good enough to be with Jim now, but that's not the case. Not yet. He only asked to come to Jim because he knows he's needed. Maybe in a few more months- he doesn't know. He really doesn't.

"Can I get you to come and rest? Here, or your room. I don't much care, as long as I can hold you."

From:

smartass_captain

It's telling how tired Jim is that the Antivan words pull a soft whine from him while he struggles to translate. But before Illario repeats himself he holds up a hand to stop him. He's got this.

"Non pensi che le gocce di pioggia sui petali dei fiori siano bellissime...?" Jim replies finally, lips quirking upward at the corners. It's flattering to be compared to the sun itself, but Jim doesn't think he's worth all that much of a fuss. He kisses Illario back, then gets up onto his feet.

"They did? Maker, it's not some urgent thing. We've just been so busy--" And yet they get days rotated out. Jim ensures it. For each of them except himself. And he's at his limit. It's no wonder they went out to go and fetch Illario.

"I'm sorry to drag you away, but I am glad to see you. Come on. We don't need to linger in here." Not when Varric's trying to rest. "I'll show you my room, shall I?"

From:

the_other_dellamorte

"Flowers need the rain as much as they need the sun, bello. But if the rain is your salt tears, I'd rather not." He murmurs, and he kisses that faint, tired kiss once more before Jim gets up, and Illario follows suit. He doesn't know precisely how steady Jim is, but he links their fingers together, ready to help him and keep him upright if need be.

"I know you're busy, but we've talked about this before bello mio, you can't save the world if you're exhausted. Didn't Varric ever tell you that you need to rest, to recharge?" He asks, still keeping his voice soft and gentle, not wanting to disturb anyone else. "From what I hear, that man knew how to have fun- and when to stop and take stock."

Down the steps, carefully, not at too slow a pace, but one that doesn't speak of any rush.

"I'm not sorry to be dragged away, amore. I want to be with you. I dislike damp, cold swamps. I don't like darkspawn - Taash will tell you, I'd just come off patrol, I was covered in... well. You know how it is." He says, nose scrunching up. He probably did stink. "I want to see your room. And tomorrow, after we've slept, can we go for a bath?"

From:

smartass_captain

Jim glances over his shoulder, but Varric seems like he's uninterested in introductions right now so Jim leads Illario out of the infirmary in leaden steps. If he had to, Jim could probably rally and run off to go do something or another yet. But since he's let himself sit down his entire body feels heavy. Trying to urge him to rest.

"So Dramatic..." Jim teases quietly. "I wasn't crying." Not this day. Not since Illario recovered from the Joining. Luckily his room is just next door. Awash in a cool blue-grean light from the fade-made aquarium taking up the whole entire back wall. Rolls of Jim's maps sit stacked atop some handsome bookshelves. Here and there a few of his personal effects sit set aside or, more rarely, on actual display. The long, low couch in the center of the room appears to be the only place to sit. Though Illario may note a warden-issued bedroll laid out in the darkest corner of the room as well. A large wardrobe and armor stand seens to house most of his gear.

"This is me." Jim says. "I haven't really done it up much since I settled in. Haven't really had the time."

From:

the_other_dellamorte

It's unbelievable, stepping into the strange blue-green lit room. It is breathtaking, watching fish swim by the windows. But the room is also oddly bare. There's some bits here and there but it's not lived in. Illario's little corner in Lavendel might feel a little more homely, if only because he has his books and letters from Jim pinned up on the wall.

"I can see. But that's okay." He murmurs, looking between couch and bedroll and opting for bedroll. He steers them that way, toeing off his boots. "Its good to get a bit of peace and quiet. Come settle down with me?"

He makes himself at home woth Jim on the bedroll, if the other man will join him. Curled in close, as they had been in Ferelden before the Darkspawn attacked en masse. Illario cushions his head with one arm, just so he can keep on looking at Jim.

"You go in there to talk to Varric, don't you?" He asks softly, other hand moving to rest against Jim's steadily beating heart.

From:

smartass_captain

"Yeah. Pretty much only come in here to sleep or...well. Talk to Solas." Jim rolls his eyes at the last. He's not sure if he's explained to Illario yet about the elven god he's connected to in his head or not, but that's a topic for another time regardless. There's no way Jim could string the words needed together right now to try and explain the situation.

Some tension in Jim's shoulders ease to see Illario make for the bedroll. He follows suit habitually and tugs off his shirt to toss over the back of the sofa on the way. Off go the boots, a rustle and a clink later his belt gets chucked aside to leave his trousers loosely open and then Jim's settled down on the bedroll half undressed and sighing for his love's touch while he obliges Illario.

His fingers reach back to untie the other's hair habitually, then drag through the dark locks. He squints a little at the question, but doesn't seem upset by it at all, really. Just confused.

"Yeah. I keep him appraised of the situation best I can. Not like he can be out there with us, these days." Not on his bad leg. Not with Bianca busted like she is. He's safer here, and Jim knows it's killing the dwarf to have to be on the sidelines.

From:

the_other_dellamorte

Illario doesn't think to take off his clothes. The Anderfells are cold and he's never felt - well, that's a lie. When he was dying before Jim got him to the Wardens, he'd felt the most intense cold he'd ever known sink right into his bones. But nights in Lavendel had been so cold that he'd gotten used to staying in his clothes, or piling more on, to try and sleep without freezing. He curls up now close to Jim, not only to enjoy his heat but to be close to the man he'd missed so much.

"You'll have to explain about the elven god of lies in the morning. Once I've had at least two coffees." He says, relaxing as Jim undoes the low ponytail, contentment floosing him. This is where he should be.

"It's understandable, to miss him like you do. I never met him but I have been told stories. Teia thought very highly of him."

From:

smartass_captain

Jim squints harder in the darkness. His confusion only seems to grow.

"Once he gets better, I'm sure he'd make it out to see Teia again. And, I mean, I can introduce you tomorrow if you want. He's usually in the infirmary unless we're doing some big plan." It's not the first time someone has said something so dissonantly Weird about Varric. Like he's not even there. But like every other time, the thought bleeds away to a reluctant acceptance.

He's not the dwarf he once was, Jim knows. And he's certainly not going to be out there saving the world like he's been for decades. That falls on Jim these days, in his stead. Pretty impossible shoes to fill.

"He does tell th'best stories though..." Jim admits quietly. "You'd like him."

From:

the_other_dellamorte

Illario moves, and presses the gentlest of kisses to Jim's brow. The way he speaks, it's as if he doesn't know the truth. As if the acceptance of it hasn't happened yet, as if something is blocking him from starting that journey of grief. Perhaps it's the stress of everything, the fight against the gods, and the pressure of also having to deal with Illario being Blighted, on top of everything else.

"I know she'd like that, when the time comes for them to meet again. But he might have to stay here, and she can come to him." He says, the words soft and carefully chosen. If Varric's spirit is here, if he is in the Fade somewhere, why not the Crossroads, the Lighthouse? His bond with Jim was strong, as was the dwarf's will. What if Jim really can see him and speak to him, and the rest of them simply... can't?

"I already do, amore. He helped you become the man I love. I want to hear all the stories of your adventures together."

From:

smartass_captain

"Careful, he nicknames everyone. He's been calling you 'Casanova' since I admitted to him I was seeing someone. Might change when he meets you for real, but it might already be too late."

Jim smiles a little, quietly amused and happy with the idea of Illario meeting Varric. With Illario being here at the Lighthouse. With him. As the Antivan curls closer, Jim feels his sleep pulling him down.

"S'how...I got...t'be called 'Rook'...after all..."

The words wink in and out. Soft mumbles and nothing more.

From:

the_other_dellamorte

"Casanova huh? Maybe he doesn't need to think of a different nickname, that one is pretty apt."

He feels Jim begin to drift towards sleep, and he kisses him again, as soft as the touch of a butterfly's wings. He needs his rest, he hasn't had any proper sleep for days from the way Taash and Harding described it. He doesn't stop talking through, murmuring softly in the quiet room.

It takes him a while to realise, but he's retelling Hard in Hightown, Varric's bestseller. It's just what was in his head, and he tells it almost all the way through, until sleep claims him too.

From:

smartass_captain

Forget the oddity in the Antivan's speech. Forget your suspicions. Forget how no one but you notices or interacts with Varric, and how hurt it makes you.

Blood magic can manipulate the mind in so many ways. In the grand scheme of things, hiding what Solas wants James Tiberius Kirk to do in the guise of their mutual deceased friend whom the human is so much more likely to listen to is not even a difficult trick of the mind. Rook wants to believe Varric is alive and thus it need not be the most complicated of spells. Jim does half the work for him. The rest is coaxing his mind to ignore the parts it does not want to see in the first place.

Child's play for one known as the god of trickery, deceit, and lies.

And perhaps it gives Solas a sense of absolution, too, to have even this figment of Varric alive in someone's heart. Able still to act in the world and effect change. He feels guilt every time the dwarf speaks to Jim. Regret for how it all ended, even though he was in the right. Varric did not have to die when he did. But as actions have unfolded Solas needs someone to act in his stead out in the world. And thus, Rook.

It does not matter to Solas if Rook takes care of himself or not. By and large mortals are replaceable. Should something happen to the Warden there are other, less desirable options. But his lover is here (another avenue to manipulate the man by) and thus Jim sleeps long and deep. Too exhausted for even his nightmares to reach him on this night.

He is safe in Illario's arms.

Safe enough he does not rouse as he would usually when Emmerich quietly steps in on his way downstairs to check on Jim's condition. It is a relief to see him at rest. He will let Lucanis know that Rook and Illario are still asleep so the Crow will put something covered aside to keep warm for them for breakfast.

From:

the_other_dellamorte

In the future, Illario will kick himself for not realising sooner, for not knowing. He shoukd have recognised the signs, seen them for what they were. He had not manipulated someone with blood magic in such a way- his control had always been over the physical rather than the mental, but as far as mere mortals went he was not bad at manipulation. He is also perhaps the one who spends most time with Jim. All of those parts of the puzzle should have connected sooner.

But for that night, they rest. Illario keeps Jim pulled in close, protected in his arms. He can't always be here, he will have to go back to Lavendel but for the time being he will be here for his man, the better part of himself, the whole of his heart.

There's no change of the light to mark the change of night to dark. Illario senses someone come and go but they don't come close enough to trigger his Crow reactions and Emmrich doesn't get a knife thrown at his throat.

They wake when they're done sleeping, whatever time it is. Illario, unsurprisingly wakes before Jim, but stays cuddled up with him, content, until Jim stirs.

From:

smartass_captain

Given Solas' purported loathe of blood magic, his relatively light touch with the magic does make it that much harder to detect. If Neve, Bellara, and Emmerich cannot sense it then Illario should not expect himself to. But that is not how matters of the heart work. By logic. And for all his steadfast stubbornness. His resilience. Is not perfect. He doesn't even notice the magic working through him and thus has nothing to fight against.

Jim sleeps deep. He sleeps soundly. He doesn't react to Emmerich checking on them, nor to the voices in the shared commons that drift up as it gets later in the morning. Jim sleeps until his body deems him rested and--perhaps unsurprisingly--when it decides it needs a meal. Illario has been curled up listening to Jim sleep now for at least an hour, possibly longer. But finally the Marcher stirs and grumbles something about food before his shoulders hunch a little and a full body yawn escapes him. His eyes peek open with the unwilling groan of the wakeful. Lazy in a way Jim never is any other time.

"Mmmm...s'warm..." He gives a happy little sigh. Then stops and peers over his shoulder. "Bello, you awake?"

From:

the_other_dellamorte

Solas is very good at what he does; there is no doubt about it. But that doesn't mean Illario will forgive himself any quicker for failing to spot it. He knows something isn't quite right, but working put its blood magic, or orchestrated by Solas? That's beyond him, with everything piling in on top of them.

He does doze lightly after it's clear Jim is taking this welcome opportunity to rest, the warmth and relief of having his lover close making him sink back into sleep, curled up close. When Jim eventually does stir, so does Illario, but he's immediately awake and aware; there's no soft easing into wakefulness for a Crow.

Jim speaks, his voice still full of sleep and sweet dreams, and Illario nuzzles into his shoulder. His arms move around Jim's middle to stroke over his chest and stomach, tender in his touch.

"Si, amore mio." He says, before shifting enough to drag himself up and lean over to kiss Jim. "I think you want breakfast, hm? I'm sure the others will have left us something."

From:

smartass_captain

"Feels nice..." Jim murmurs. He turns on the bedroll enough to let Illario nuzzle against him for a kiss. The feels even better. Maker help him, Jim doesn't remember the last time he felt so rested and lazy. The thought of just going Back to bed was strong, if his stomach wasn't voicing Immediate opinions.

"Nnnngh yeah. 'm Hungry..." He begrudgingly sits up and rubs at his eyes. His hair's an absolute mess but he hasn't worried about that yet.

"How long are you staying for?" Hopeful, even though he suspects it isn't time to sweep the man up into his team yet.

From:

the_other_dellamorte

Reaching for Jim, Illario's fingers stroke through his messy hair, smoothing some of it and making it fall back into the way Jim has it—or at least an approximation of that.

It's good to see him so content. He's still sleepy, but he's warm and safe. The hollow darkness under his eyes is not quite so bad, but it will take a few weeks of good sleep to ease completely. Gods, he wants that for Jim. He wants it more than he knows how to say in words.

He kisses his love gently, a soft brush of lips, and lets his half-lidded eyes rest on the other man. Illario doesn't have his makeup, skin care products, or hairbrush; he is just here, all angles. But he still feels beautiful when Jim looks at him like that.

"They didn't tell me. So I suppose I am here as long as you want me."

From:

smartass_captain

It's sweet how well Illario knows Jim's habits by now, despite them having not had the opportunity to share a rest with the other more than a handful of times. He wonders how long he was under observation before that while out in the field. At least in Antiva. Probably Tevinter also. Strangely, he doesn't find the thought disconcerting. He finds it comforting. Illario wouldn't hurt him.

Jim knows that.

This beautiful man who has followed Jim into a hell of the life expectancy of a Warden. Someone Jim cannot bear to lose.

"Well I'd never give you back...if that was th'case. I'll have to check with Evka in a day or so. I want you here helping us. You belong here with me. With Lucanis, if you want to make up with him."

From:

the_other_dellamorte

Illario and he have never had much time together- but what they have had mattered. Illario had always tried to make it linger, when at first Jim was visiting him for Lucanis' peace of mind, Illario wanted to learn all he could about the mysterious Rook. Not as a thorn in his side but as a man, a person. Then, when their romance really began, he tried to do his best to provide what Jim was missing- some luxury, some attention, some rest.

Some things don't change, it seems.

"You don't have to give me back. I could stay. I want to stay." He offers softly, although he appreciates that the decision is beyond Jim's control. Evka will have the final say, and while she seems sweet on them, especially Jim, she may have to put their long history aside and do what is best for the Wardens, now that their numbers are so much smaller.

In the end, Illario supposes he will do what seems right at the time - even if that goes against orders. He has never been all that good at obeying commands, after all.

"Come on, dormiglione. You do need to eat something. And have some coffee. What if I make it for you?"

From:

smartass_captain

"Mmmh. I know you do. I want that too." Jim clings a bit to Illario for a moment. Maybe if he agrees to send Illario and Davrin (and himself) to the wetlands on mission more often to ease the burden of their patrol schedule. Brings more supplies. Something. Anything. There has to be more Jim can do. "But we owe them and they're....they're friends too. Gotta keep our allies safe."

He knows that. But it doesn't make letting go of Illario any easier. Jim just wants to be selfish. He sighs and sits up when he's urged to.

"That sounds good. I'd crawl outta bed onto broken glass for some coffee right about now."