Iowa Bros in Space! The Spacening. Starring James T Kirk and Clinton Barton

[smartass_captain]

Fighting with Verity had done something for Jim despite all the vitriolic feeling swimming around his system. It had made him determined to go home. It wasn't as though he couldn't anymore. He knew exactly where the doorway leading back to the Enterprise stood. It was just...making himself open the door. Jim stands in the long hallway lined with doors to other worlds, staring intently at the 'Caution: Radiation risk' etched into the glass of his world's door. Shaking fingers reached for it, to push it open. Retracted.

He couldn't do this. No, bullshit. He was Jim Kirk, he could open a stupid door. Just. Not at the moment. Apparently. Jim shouts a string of fluent Orion curses at the door before stalking back off into the Nexus. To the plain door with the sideways 8 on it that leads to CLint's world. He pulls up a chair and waits. Clint would come sooner or later. He'd ask him to come with. Been meaning to show him around the ship anyway, might as well do it now.

Why couldn't his time have comms anyway? Jim smacks the back of his head against the wall while he waits, idly replaying the argument between himself and Verity in his head. What better way to kill time than to hate yourself?

Comments

[aw_hawkguy]

Well, Clint's on the Nausicaan, but he doesn't seem to have knocked him off of Jim the way the Avenger had been hoping. He wraps an arm around the alien's throat, the way that would be a safe sleeper hold on a human (forearm and bicep squeezing the carotids on both sides, with the trachea protected from accidental crushing in the hollow of the elbow), and heaves back with all his might. In thirty seconds, the alien might be unconscious, or indifferent to the tiny hoo-man clinging to its neck, but Clint wants the guy off of Jim, now.

[nexus_npcs]

Even Nausicaans need their brains working, hard as that might be to believe. The one Clint is focused on is going down for the count... slowly.

But guess who's back, back again? Princess and Captain Doodlebopper! They have some fists they want to introduce to Jim just as soon as Clint and the Nausicaan have stepped aside.

[smartass_captain]

Jim wheezes, gasping for air when those sausage fingers are no longer latched on to his throat. There was no safety from crushing trachea in that guy's grip, and not for the first time Jim wonders who the hell started spinning the bar because he does not appreciate it one bit.

A sock straight across his jaw wakes him the hell up though. His ever chapped lip is now split wide open and hurray, It's been almost a week since Jim tasted his own blood. Thanks guys! He has to get a sample very often to make sure he is indeed still alive.

"...Man, fuck this." It has reached the point of not being fun anymore. Jim's not laughing, Clint's not laughing, the bar is wrecked. No one is having a good time. Not even the Nausicaan. You have to be awake to be having fun.

He spits blood into one of the two's faces before lunging back into the fray, eager to knock at least one of these blue bastards out as fast as possible. Mostly with his fists. He has a mean swing.

[aw_hawkguy]

If the Nausicaan is down, then that means Clint is back up, and with a dom jot ball in each hand, that means trouble right here in Rapid City, that starts with T, which rhymes with P, that stands for Pinpoint Accuracy. Clint's got strong arms for a normal, and while his fastball special doesn't throw wolverines at people, it's still going to cost the Andorian Jim isn't fighting some teeth. So who wants the other one?

[nexus_npcs]

Nobody wants a dom-jot ball to the face, Clint. That's like the fruitcake of bar fights.

One Nausicaan is still down, the other is still tussling with half the bar over thataway, and the ladies are having a marvelous time because the bartender has been dragged into the fight (over the bar) and they've decided to help themselves to some of the top-shelf drinks.

The Andorians aren't having any fun either, if that's any consolation. This night has gone very badly for them and it's only their alien machismo that keeps them in the fight. That and the deeply-felt need to take out some of the frustrations Jim has aroused on him since the softer types of doing this are out of the question now. They won't be standing much longer at this point.

Cheese it!

[smartass_captain]

Dom jot balls are heavier than they look. Two fastball pitches are probably enough to knock Princess' friend there out for the count. The other one is underneath Jim getting slammed into the floor and not in the way he had intended. Sorry Princess.

Jim scrambles back as soon as he's reasonably sure no one's going to fucking tackle him again, spins around to look at the bar, and grabs Clint by the shoulder.

"Move. Before that side notices us." He hops over a bunch of debris, jumps onto the bar and skids over it. Grabs a bottle of aged bourbon (bribery) and some top shelf vodka (to pour the ladies a drink because of course), throws a wink at the ladies before taking the hell off to catch up with Clint outside.

The sky is still really purple and everything is really pretty but it's spinning out here too and Jim is getting them out of here. He flips open his comm and is relieved by the chirping sound he gets in return.

"Ensign Hemmet, I have two for beam up. Kirk out."

Please don't come running out of the bar after them please don't. Or at least, come running out of the bar slow enough for them to beam back onto the ship because holy hell.

[aw_hawkguy]

Clint keeps a lookout for pursuit while Jim catches up, groaning, "man, I gotta get better at goin' to bars without wreckin' 'em up. They're gonna put me on a list or somethin'."

They need to start a 'dont tell Verity about this' list

[smartass_captain]

"What they don't know won't hurt 'em. And we're not telling anyone about this." Jim clutches the bottle of bourbon close to him as he hears affirmation from the ensign. Everything starts to get all glowy and weird for Clint again before they blip out of existence for a second...


...and are back on the transport platform aboard the Enterprise a moment later. Jim sinks to his knees, comm held loosely in his other hand, and laughs.

"That....wasn't exactly how I intended this to go, Barton."

((Speaking of, thank you so so much for letting us brawl like children with gratuitous easter eggs and references! You're the best))

[aw_hawkguy]

((Yes, thank you, that was silly and fun!))

"You mean you had a plan?"

[smartass_captain]

"Several, over the course of the evening. That wasn't any of them." Jim sighs and wiped the blood from his lip.

"You're not human. Can't be. No one is that good at pool." Jim shakes his head. Yes, that is what he's latched on to. "Those ladies at the bar should have been all over you."

He didn't even hear the ensign all but trip over himself as he left the transport room.

[aw_hawkguy]

"Man, it's just practice," Clint assures him, giving the ensign a wave on the way out. "If you spent that much time on it, you'd be that good, too." He pauses a beat, then adds, "and you'd have no social life. We should probably get you bandaged up, huh?"

Yeah, Clint, say that like you're not pretty well battered, yourself. On top of your fresh burns from the demon thing!

[smartass_captain]

"We have got to stop meeting like this." Jim snorts but hauls himself up all the same. "Or you've got to help me train a bunch so I stop looking like a chump when we fight together."

He likes that idea better. Clint isn't always telling him his plans are dumb or that he's an idiot (and look where that support keeps getting him).

"Believe it or not, all I had planned up until you had to go Dom-jot God was to take in the sights, knock back a few drinks, and see what happened after that."

[aw_hawkguy]

Clint's got an arm, or a set of shoulders, Jim can lean on if need be, but the captain's going to have to navigate--Clint doesn't know where the bandages are on the Enterprise. "Yeah, we could work out. I could take ya down to Luke's gym, maybe. Or running with Verity, if she's cool with it. She's got this scary-intense personal trainer, though, I gotta warn ya."

[smartass_captain]

Jim's fine walkg on his own. This may be residual alcohol talking, or the fact that he's on his own ship and has to save face.

The plan is go go back to Jim's quarters, get patched up, and slip out before there is any more trouble. Then why the bourbon bribe? Because Jim's plans have not been going well tonight.

"Dammit Jim!"

Case in point. Jim finches.

"Hey Bones." The gentleman with the angry southern drawl is not happy to see him. Either of them.

[aw_hawkguy]

"Heeeey," Clint echoes, "Bones? Hi. I don't think we've met."

[smartass_captain]

"Oh, yeah. Bones this is--"

'Bones' waves a hand dismissively and grabs Jim by the shoulder hard enough to bruise.

"I don't give a rat's ass about your booty call kid." He rounds on Clint next.

"And don't think you're getting out of this either, kid. Both of you. Medical. Now."

Well, bandages are in medical and Jim's heading that way whether he likes it or not. Might as well tag along before you get drug too, Clint.

[aw_hawkguy]

"Booty call?! Hey, I think you got the wrong idea," Clint protests. But "Medical" sounds like the place to get bandages and stuff, and he figures he can look after himself pretty well while Jim's getting fussed over.

[smartass_captain]

"Aww, Bones! He's not--"

"You stay quiet."

"But--but..what he said!" Jim tries to free himself from his CMO's ironclad grip and only gets a hypo in the neck for his trouble. "Damn it! What--?!"

"Electrolytes and stabilizers. I can smell the liquor off you from here. Now shut up." Leonard McCoy does not put up with Jim's antics very well. This is probably for the best, considering how many times he's been hurt since Clint and he met.

"You, Scruffy. Sit. Nurse Chapel, take him while I deal with our infant Captain."

"Don't call me an infant in front of--" Hypo'd. "DAMN IT!"

"You want another?"

You know, Clint. Being treated by the nice nurse with the severe bun is looking way better as far as options go. Or even Verity. This guy is pissed.

[aw_hawkguy]

"So, I take it this happens a lot?" Clint asks the nurse, quietly, enjoying the Jim and Bones show. Since that's apparently a treatment option at this place, he'll keep relatively quiet and behave himself, for now.

Admittedly, the medical history implied just by the injuries he has right now is morbidly impressive.

[nexus_npcs]

((My pleasure! I'm glad you guys enjoyed it. :D

Verity is so finding out because she's waiting for them both to get back to the Nexus. She has presents and disappointment for everyone, like the worst secret Santa ever.))

[bestdadinamestris]

((I just need to put out there how much I adore all of you and that this reference-filled fight fest has brought me much joy.

Also, Jim, you asshole. Put those apples away.))

[nexus_npcs]

((I'm glad everyone's enjoying the show! The Iowa Bros Hour is better than ANYTHING on t.v. right now.))

[bestdadinamestris]

((I don't TV, so this is definitely a good thing to help occupy my mind while I take breaks between adult-ing activities. XD))

[aw_hawkguy]

((I can barely be said to adult, so this is fun while I take time between my dwarves were-giraffing the hell out of each other.))

[smartass_captain]

I will never put this icon away. Asshole or no.