A Year to Remember [for conjuredskies]

[smartass_captain]

A harvest moon hangs heavy in the sky this night.

Jim's learned his lesson from last time. He made sure everything would be good to go well beforehand. No weather foul ups, nothing to give him any cause to worry. He's brought Felix here before, but the trip to the farmhouse is different this time. He's not trying to impress Felix (any more than usual at least), not fretting over eight million different plans and presents.

Jim's taking Felix home.

He doesn't tell Felix it's where they're going after the Halloween party winds down, just PINpoints them to the pathway in front of his house and holds out a hand for Felix to take. Leads him around the house rather than inside, out back to where Jim's laid out several blankets and his father's old telescope in the grass. He did think ahead enough to stock his kitchen with food and drink, but aside from that?

It's just Jim, Felix, and that expanse of sky above them. Jim chuckles and brushes his fingers over Felix's cheek.

"Happy anniversary, by the way."

Comments

[conjuredskies]

Felix has been divested of his armor by now, leaving him in a plain shirt and trousers when they leave. He has no objection to going: he's starting to get the feeling Jim has something in mind for them, and he's entirely amenable. He does blink in surprise when they appear beneath Earth's stars instead of electric lights, the cool air jolting him out from drowsiness.

"We haven't been here in a while," he observes softly, stepping closer as he takes Jim's hand and tightens his grip affectionately. Every time they do come here, though, it means something a little different. Something special, in one way or another. By now he isn't entirely surprised when Jim leads him around the back and demonstrates that once again, he's planned this all out.

His eyes track over the blankets, the telescope already waiting... and his eyes close for a moment as Jim's fingertips brush his cheek. He's been smiling since they got here, but he lets out a soft chuckle in answer to the captain's.

"You don't miss anything, do you?" He leans against Jim, twining their arms and brushing his lover's cheek with an affectionate kiss. "Happy anniversary, Jim. I couldn't ask for better."

[smartass_captain]

Jim's kept his costume on--mostly out of his hurry to get Felix here than any well thought out reason. He feels like this is remarkably unimpressive, compared to all of the other over the top times he's been trying to impress Felix. He spent a long time thinking about this, especially after his heart to heart with his best friend and CMO earlier that week.

"This is....kind of a big deal, on Earth. And...especially for me."

Jim's admission is quiet; there's no bubbling up of nerves, excitement or other unwanted feelings. He's calm about this. Or at least, he's trying very very hard to be calm about this.

"I've never been together with someone for this long before. I wanted to do something, at least, to show you I remembered the date." As though he could forget.

[conjuredskies]

"I should have realized why you were so nervous." Should know Jim well enough by now. The captain is good at his cool facade but he can never quite hide it, when he has something like this planned. When he's preparing to mark some milestone Felix didn't even see coming.

Or in this case, a milestone he'd acknowledged happily and with no small personal satisfaction. He hadn't wanted to dwell on it with Jim though, not to risk making the captain uneasy. That and it's just uncouth to gloat in front of him.

Unless, of course, they do it together.

He doesn't move for another kiss in answer, not making this about anything bar their closeness and the shared moment. There'll be time for other matters later, if they aren't too tired. Instead he leans close, sighing with contentment. "Sometimes it's hard to believe I've really found someone like you. Have I ever told you that?"

[smartass_captain]

"You'd think....by now, I'd be all worried out. You've seen me at..at my worst, already. I've confessed that I'm in love with you. And yet..."

Jim runs his hand through his hair a few times, messing it up somewhat while he shrugs helplessly. He can't help it. This sort of thing has never come easy for him. But he's trying, with Felix. And they're making it work.

"I don't think...I'll ever not be a little scared, to be honest. You're...too good to be true, some times." The chuckle that accompanies the admission is quiet as Jim meets Felix and pulls him into a gentle embrace.

"The feeling's mutual, believe me."

[conjuredskies]

"Good?" He can't help but sound bemused. "No, I just love seeing you as happy as you deserve to be." He leans into Jim's touch, holding him close and affectionately. "One of these days, you'll realize you have nothing to fear."

It's funny - ordinarily he wouldn't question Jim's view of him. With most of his lovers, especially the ones he was most desperate to keep, he'd encourage them to believe in him so. Be delighted that they held him in such simple high esteem. But Jim is too important for that. Too important to lie to, even if Felix has omitted his more troubling activities from his boyfriend's view.

And he doesn't really want to dwell on those things now, either. He nods toward the blankets spread out on the grass. "Is that a real telescope...?"

[smartass_captain]

"Well, you're good for me whether you think so or not."

Huff. Jim isn't going to get into one of those arguments right now. Not tonight. Instead he's content to hold Felix close as a crisp breeze picks up. He looks up at the stars and can't help but wonder where his ship is right now in that big expanse of sky.

"It is. Thought I'd put all those star books I gave you to good use." Jim nudges Felix a bit and leads him over to them. He brought extra so they could wrap themselves up as well. Felix is used to being out doors at all hours, but Jim wanted to make them as comfortable as possible. He takes a seat on one of the blankets and looks up at the sky.

"You know how to use it, right?"

[conjuredskies]

"Of course. It's simple enough." His vision hasn't yet adjusted to the dark, but Felix dives right in to fiddling with lenses and these little turning wheel things. Let's see... he tips his head back, seeking out constellations he can recognize - the Plow, (which name he found easiest to remember) the Hunter, those really bright ones- Vega? Polaris?

Finding his reference points is easier, but it's going to be a good twenty minutes of him fiddling around with the telescope and trying increasingly hard to act confident before he admits, "All right, perhaps it's less simple than I thought..."

[smartass_captain]

Jim tries not to grin while Felix busies himself with the telescope. That's why he'd brought it out in the first place, after all. It's a bit outdated compared to the stuff you can buy now, but it gets the job done more than alright. His hands fumble with something or another in his pocket while Felix busies himself, nerves welling up again briefly as he's left to his own thoughts.

When Felix admits he's having trouble though, Jim's right behind him with arms lacing around the conjurer's waist. He props his chin onto Felix's shoulder and murmurs softly into his ear.

"Need a hand?"

[conjuredskies]

Felix shivers at the tickling warmth of Jim's breath in his ear - the arms holding him close. He turns his face toward Jim's, more from instinct than necessity. And somehow, even though he's admitting to failure, there's a smile drawing his mouth upward.

"If you don't mind." He leans back into Jim a little, enjoying the closeness. The sense of comfort and security. "I wouldn't want you to get cold waiting for me to recall all the details."

[smartass_captain]

He knows how Felix gets about appearing ignorant of something. Best to lessen the blow to his ego with as much physical contact as is appropriate for the moment. And he knows Felix appreciates the care Jim's taken with his appearance tonight. Jim knows just how to cheer his boyfriend up.

"It's a bit finicky is all. Here." Jim shifts to the side with Felix, moving him slowly out of the way so he can get a look through the optic and fuss with the telescope's knobs a bit. "It's my grandpa's telescope, actually, so it's not the most high-tech model out there. I spent a whole summer once when I was little just learning how to use the damn thing."

[conjuredskies]

On the one hand, he minds less when he's admitting weakness to a friend. On the other, he really wants to impress Jim with how much he remembers from those treasured books. But Jim is a gentle teacher as well as distractingly handsome. It's soothing to hear that he, too, had to struggle to get the hang of this device.

He's content to swap places with Jim, hanging on the other's shoulder while he watches intently. "Wh- how did you learn?"

[smartass_captain]

"Web tutorials and a lot of trial and error, mostly."

Sam had promised him he'd teach Jim how to use it once it had gotten warmer out after they found it in the attic but he'd left as soon as it was warm enough out to safely leave. Jim closes his eyes at the memory, but rather than retreating back into himself as he might have before Jim leans into Felix's touch and sighs.

"Sam was going to teach me, but....he must've forgotten before he left. So I taught myself. It's okay, before you apologize. I mean it." Jim turns his head and smiles back at Felix before he steps away again. "See those knobs? that's how you focus the lens. More power alone is only good up to a point. Too much and you'll make it blurry and out of focus. Try it again. I pointed it to the Orion Nebula."

[conjuredskies]

There's a pang of regret despite Jim's reassurance: Felix learned from his brother, after all. It's one of his fondest memories. It seems unkind that Jim should miss out, even as he appreciates his good fortune in sharing this with another man he loves.

Albeit a very different kind of love, in a wholly different world.

He's eager to return to the eyepiece, all the more with his newfound knowledge of what he's looking for. "That's in the constellation of the Hunter, right? One of those places where new stars are... being created?"

Gods, what an incredible thing to say. He feels a little silly to hear it coming from his mouth even.

[smartass_captain]

It hurts, and it probably always will. But that's okay. Jim doesn't have to be consumed by it and nor does he have to face those feelings alone. He's got something more important to him right at his side. Jim may not have been able to hold onto the family he was born into, but come hell or high water he won't be letting go of the one he's assimilating into.

He moves to the side so Felix can go back to the telescope, a fond smile playing at Jim's lips even before he realizes he's doing so.

"Yes, the hunter." The smile only grows when Felix rattles off this factoid. Jim knows how different the concept is from his own world. "And, correct again. Every star you see in there is an infant. They've yet to finish consuming the cloud of gas and dust that made them possible, let alone spread out into their own orbits. Are the stars fixed, in your skies?" Jim hasn't had the opportunity to study them more than a few times.

Admittedly, his attentions had been elsewhere during those visits to Skyrim.

[conjuredskies]

"Yes, they're openings in the outer barrier between us and Aetherius, the realm of the gods. They're gateways through which magic flows into the mortal plane. And of course, the sun is the largest of them. But they don't change - I'd be very afraid if they began consuming anything..."

Jim can tell when he gets the focus right - he gets it to what seems to be the best position, and after a minute or two his breath catches, as the telescope collects enough light to start making out the view. It's faint and certainly a tad blurry... but no less startling for that.

[smartass_captain]

"I feel like I should have paid more attention to the stars of your world while I was there. Funny how every time I've been there, there were more pressing matters to worry about. I do want to study them one of these days."

Jim lets himself trail off and fall silent when Felix gasps, taking care to study the man before him in lieu of the stars hanging above them. He wants to share those gasps with Felix. Every new discovery and delight. Every shock and awe, and all the routine days in between. With a flop he sits down on the blankets and wraps himself up, content to watch Felix for now.

There will be time for holding him later. Time for gifts and talking and many things. But in this moment, Jim is content just to watch and share in the delight of discovery.

[conjuredskies]

"I'll try not to block your view next time," Felix promises. "...Great Magnus, they're like will o'wisps in there. Wisps big enough to devour worlds... but they're, ah, farther away than they look, I'm sure..."

He looks around at Jim, smiling ruefully at himself. "You've seen all this many times before, of course."

[smartass_captain]

"Do they make books of the stars back in your home?"

Jim flops back onto the blankets so that he's laying down, staring straight up at the sky with a wistful look in his own eyes. Pulls one of the extra blankets over himself to stay warm. Felix is right that Jim's seen this before, but there's something familiar about seeing the night sky from Earth.

It doesn't look the same from the ship, nor from any other planet. It's a view he has to come home for. And it looks even better with Felix in it, staring into his grandfather's telescope.

Is this what feeling content is like?

[conjuredskies]

"Oh, yes. Though in many places the more inexpensive ones, the navigators' almanacs and so on, are always incomplete. Something to do with which printers have the rights to profit off different sets of information. Of course, mages need to know all the stars..."

He tweaks the focus a bit, unable to resist fidgeting. "We use our family's books. I must show you, sometime. Mages are absolute demons for hoarding their knowledge, I'm afraid."

He wonders what these alien constellations could tell him, if he had Stratos' knack for comprehending their motions, his brother's feel for the subtle effects of their sway.

He looks over at Jim, wrapped up and relaxing, and gives him a smile in the darkness. "Not that I could keep it from you."

[smartass_captain]

"Science isn't about profit, Felix. It's about knowledge. It's a shame...."

Jim spreads one of his hands out in front of him, peering at the expanse of sky in between each splayed finger as though he could grasp the heavens themselves if only he reached far enough. Though his hand drops a bit and Jim's gaze darts over to Felix.

What does it mean, that he'd be given permission to look on those family treasures? Is that a sign he's been accepted into a family he doesn't even know save for Stratos? Not that Stratos is a bad guy. Hardly the most important Caelus in Jim's world, though. He doesn't seem aware of how soft and sincere his smile is.

"Say. When we hooked up last year...did you ever think you'd see me again? Did you even want to?"

Jim knows there was some pushing on some of their mutual friends that brought them together after the fact. And he knows at least on his end--the attraction had only grown after their unlikely first meeting.

[conjuredskies]

Felix is watching him reach out to the stars with quiet admiration, broken only when Jim asks his questions. Then his smile fades, twists ruefully.

"That first night? I knew I wouldn't." His voice is soft as he fingers the wheels of the telescope. "I knew the rules as well as you. So I didn't think about what I might have wanted. I simply hoped that the next time our paths crossed, you would not look past me..."

He leaves the telescope and joins Jim on the blankets, kneeling before the captain so he can lean down over his boyfriend, smile returning slowly.

"But you came back." He lets out a breathy chuckle. "You kept coming back, even if I didn't understand why at first. And as soon as I knew that was even... then the only thing I feared was the day I had to stop seeing you."

[smartass_captain]

"....And now?"

Jim reaches up with the same hand he'd been reaching for the stars with and traces the line of Felix's jaw gently. Those eyes that looked so longingly at the sky are focused solely on him.

The night they'd met Jim had been infatuated by the conjurer. Felix was quick witted, handsome, and had a sense of fun that still sent shivers up his spine. They'd had an amazing lay and Jim had lingered, even then. Even then he had hesitated in treating Felix like the rest. Stuck around to make sure he got out safely. And sought out his company again. That wasn't something Jim did, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

He pulls his other hand out from under the blankets and places a silver key into Felix's hand.

"It's for the house. Here. Use it whenever you like, you've got the coordinates."

[conjuredskies]

"I don't think I could feel afraid of anything right now." Not when Jim's here, so close. Looking up at him with such intensity. There are plenty of things he'll fear, plenty of things he'll think to worry about later. But Jim gives him a sense of security like he's never felt with anyone else. It's not a sense of having his favor for now: Jim has a way of making it feel as if there's nobody but them in all the worlds.

It takes a moment to realize Jim's pressing something into his hand. He holds it up to see as well as he can, feeling the slender piece of metal and giving Jim a wide-eyed look as he understands.

"Really?" His eyes meet Jim's, and it's not even really a question. There's astonishment in the growing smile on his face.

[smartass_captain]

"Almost from the very beginning, you were different."

Jim can see that now. Can see how he bent his own rules and let down his defenses when it came to Felix. It makes the captain wonder if there was any way things could have turned out any differently once they met each other. If meeting Felix Caelus alone had made the outcome inevitable.

"I wanted to see you again. Wanted to hear you laugh, see you smile." To be the reason for those reactions. He'd fallen hard for the conjurer even early on.

"I'm sure. I want...." Jim doesn't know if he can voice just what it is he wants, just yet. And not out of fear, this time. He doesn't know if it's even possible for them to be together officially. Wed. Live together. All that comes with such a thing. Jim knows he can't leave the ship behind and he won't ask Felix to give up his life either, not when Jim knows he can't give up his. It wouldn't be fair. To say nothing about all the rules and distance from family and every other problem they would face. So for now, the key to the house will have to suffice.

"I wanted to share that with you."

[conjuredskies]

"I didn't realize that. It... took me longer to understand than it should have done." It's a soft admission, how long it took him to understand that Jim truly wanted him to stay. "I didn't think you could possibly want to keep me. I just wanted to be yours for as long as you'd have me."

He wants to be the one by Jim's side, whatever happens. Wants to be the one to keep Jim's secrets and comfort him in the night. To be the one who makes those blue eyes bright and that brilliant, wicked smile flash his way.

He knows now what it means to be given this key. To be given a place in Jim's home. For Jim to have a home. He's almost breathless for a moment, eyes on Jim.

"Thank you." He doesn't know what else to say for a moment, not until he's leaned down and given Jim a deep and fervent kiss. Then it comes out of him without a thought: "Come with me to Cyrodiil. Spend the new year festival with me. We'll go to the Imperial City, you can meet my cousin..."

[smartass_captain]

To have a home.

The ship has been the closest thing Jim's had to a home in years. Sure, he has the house. But a house is not a home when all that fills it are painful memories. And yet, Felix has helped in that sense too. They've spent Valentines together here, as well as their retreat earlier that summer. Felix has made it possible for Jim to smile in these four walls again.

He's made it into a home simply by being here. The captain makes a contented noise in the back of his throat at the kiss, leaning up into it while pulling Felix down on top of him with as much passion as was given. And while the suggestion gives him pause, Jim doesn't flinch away. Doesn't pull back. He takes a moment to think and then nods. Perhaps getting away rather than shutting himself up and wallowing...will be good for him.

"You know I can't...promise I'll be good company around then..right?"

[conjuredskies]

"I know. It'll be fine. If you need to get away, we can. And my cousin will understand. She's... she lost people in the Great War." He strokes Jim's cheek, settling against his boyfriend. "I'll take care of you."

Scene?

[smartass_captain]

"Alright. Then I'll go. You've got my word."

Here, let Jim bundle Felix up with him in the blanket they're not laying on. There's a chance to make a tradition of this night, but Jim finds he's just fine where he is. There will be time for activity in the morning.

For the first time, there doesn't seem to be a rush.