Don't believe in no-win scenarios

What captivates him the most is how much of Tamriel is the same.

A different world and a different sky that looks so very much like Earth during the day. Jim's brought a small satchel with him this time and while Stratos works with patience and kindness through Felix's remedial sword and magic drills he's playing around in the dirt and soil. He tests the minerals in the rocks and dirt, taking note on anything he can't identify but there is shockingly little that isn't the same as his own world so far as the elements go. Perhaps a rarer mineral might set the worlds apart but this planet is not so different from Jim's own home.

On a rare clear summer night in Skyrim though it is impossible to mistake this world for Earth. Felix and Jim occasionally curl up together to watch the night sky but it's the first time Stratos has joined them, sitting off to the side on the blue cloth Felix has spread out on the hillside.

"That's the Apprentice right over us yeah?" There are so many fewer stars here. Jim can't fathom how empty the skies are but what is there is a tantalizing void of wonder he longs to explore as deeply as he does the recesses of his own galaxy. It hasn't take him long to learn the core constellations by heart. "That's the one that makes you stronger, right?"

"At magic, perhaps." Stratos' reply is quiet enough that Felix doesn't even sulk at not getting to answer first. He pulls Jim closer to him with an affectionate squeeze. Stratos continues stroking Tiber who's curled up in his lap while his own gaze is turned upward. "The Lord grants those born under it's influence physical health. The Apprentice deals with magical sensitivity. Both for gain and for ill."

Jim's studied every map of this Stratos and Felix could show him. This world couldn't be any geological iteration of Earth and its continents in the past. Yet it boasts an eerily near identical calendar year with its own names for the months. It's own astrological signs in the stars overhead. What is Sun's Height here is July back home. The seasons match up. As always the differences come when magic and its effects come back into the equation.

"Do you ever get folks waiting to have kids so they'll be born most likely under a specific constellation? Since they give people gifts?" He can tell he's asked another one of those questions folks don't really think about over here by the way Stratos hums in either thought or checked words he doesn't deem fit for this kind of quiet evening and by the way Felix hurries to fill the silence as though they'll seem silly for not having an answer.

"The stars don't give us that much power. It would be an awful lot of waiting around and planning with no guarantee."

Power from the stars, every planet and moon and rock the body of long dead gods who watch over this world. Jim feels small here in a similar way he does at home but it isn't knowing there's so much out there here in Tamriel. It's knowing that what lies beyond the sky is a power he doesn't comprehend. It grows late when they all head back to camp. Felix stops Stratos before they've parted ways for respective tents and murmurs something to him before the say their good nights and tonight it is.


---------

The green is a flowing blanket of grassy farmland in Iowa that clings to the muggy July air not unlike some of the warmer eves in Cyrodiil at their cousin Marcella's home. It's so much flatter here though much like Felix had done Stratos is more agog with the farmhouse than he is the empty fields surrounding it. Felix gives him the grand tour of the place without any of the fun stories of mischief that's been made in these rooms while they wait for Jim. It makes Felix feel knowledgeable and useful and he only lords his Earth-knowledge a little bit over his older brother's head.

Stranger even than the house to the Elder Caelus is the outfit his little brother is wearing. The blue button up shirt is crisp and smart even untucked from sleek black slacks and boots but it's so different from the cuts of their own clothes. But Felix can hardly wear his tunics and leathers in Yorktown. He wears them like he belongs. Some day soon he will.

"Sorry I'm late. I brought food!" Jim's arrival might not be announced via the PINpoint but he's loud enough to make up for it. His face curls into a fond smile seeing Felix and Stratos sitting on the couch. Having real family in this house still feels so strange. Not unwelcome though. "I'll have to get you a set of clothes to wear when you come to visit, Stratos. I doubt that skirt I gave you still fits now."

He laughs at the look the elder Caelus gives and for once the memories of his altered body do not leave Jim cold and aching at remembered bruises around his neck. They eat while the sun sets before heading out back to the picnic cloth spread out in the back yard next to the telescope Jim's set up for them.

At first the pinpricks of light are bright but few as the sun sets and twilight begins to fade. Jim points out the planets visible--Mars is exceptionally close this year and draws the eye toward it's reddish light. But it's when Jim stops talking and just turns his gaze upward that all conversation fades away. Stratos remembers well the glimpse he caught of the night's sky from beyond the viewscreen on the Enterprise's bridge but this....

Jim lets Felix eagerly show off what he's learned about some of the constellations of Jim's world, kicking back on the blanket with a beer in hand while Tiber explores the grass looking for bugs next to him. He used to hate this farm, all the memories that it held. While he may not hold any love for its past Jim isn't so sure the future needs to be so grim. Felix is bright and eager in his words while Stratos seems to have sunk into an awed shock looking at the sea of stars above them. They'll bother Jim soon enough for lessons on working the telescope but for now the captain is happy to just relax and take in a familiar sky.

With the track record in command Captain James T. Kirk has it's pretty well known that the head of the late USS Enterprise is skilled in a number of fields. Starfleet's got him doing guest lectures via holo from Yorktown on everything they can convince him to accept. Diplomacy, tactics, survival, emergency plans. Jim doesn't mind the work though he often complains about not getting to talk about things he wants to constantly.

There's plenty of ways to scratch a scholar's itch though. Jim's taken to frequenting the Grand Library in the Nexus, scooping up every and all books on Nirn he can get his hands on. Imperial history, magical theory, folklore, religious texts--so long as he can read it they come back to Yorktown with him for hours of avid study after work. Even when he's visiting Tamriel Jim's often got his nose in a book. The best way to learn something new is through doing, after all.

Most of the time.

When Jim picked up a book full of detailed sketches on alchemical ingredients native to Skyrim he'd sort of assumed whoever had done the sketches had you know...seen the plants described therein. He's flipping through pages and frowning heavily at the flowering bush in front of him because he's been told by one of the knights this is definitely used in alchemy and he cannot find it anywhere in the book. It's actually come as a bit of a surprise that the actual flowers and not the leaves, seeds, or buds are used in the alchemical process. Seems like kind of a waste to turn a perfectly pretty flower into mush.

Jim shuts the book with a snap and tucks it back into his bag before rolling up his sleeves. Alright then. If book work isn't going to help him figure this out then he's going to have to take matters into his own hands.

-----

"Jim, beloved, what is this?" Felix has no words for what he's seeing. It seems almost like Jim's absconded with a florist's cart and dumped it over Felix's workstation inside his tent. The captain himself is holding a sprig of small blue flowers up to candlelight and flipping through a book in his lap furiously.

"None of these flowers look a damn thing like what's in this book." Jim heaves a defeated sigh and tosses the flowers back onto the station and the book atop his bag. "I was trying to do some field studies for your alchemy."

"Well, you've done a nice job of improving the smell of the tent at least. I wasn't aware you had such a keen interest in flowers."

"Alchemy." Huff.

"Of course, of course." It's a touching gesture, even if Felix has a bit of a mess to clean up now. "Next time you might just ask me to show you." Jim might be good at many things but his field scouting needs some work before Felix is going to trust any of it to his mortar and pestle. At least he's enthusiastic.

Felix calls Jim in Yorktown every evening.

At first it's just to hear Jim's voice, some small assurance that this is real and the captain is alright. Jim had given the conjurer his schedule right away and every night when Jim gets home there's either a message waiting for him or a call coming through shortly after he's arrived. The days stretch into a week. Felix still doesn't know what kind of place Jim's stuck in. A whole city floating out in the Void? What is that even like?

"I'll show you as soon as I can, I promise. So much has happened..."

That's where they first begin to talk again. Jim fills Felix in on everything that's happened to him since they last tried to see each other. The negotiations and peace treaties that fell through, the rescue mission they received in Yorktown and the tragic consequences of taking it on. Losing his ship, rescuing what was left of his crew, stopping Thrall from destroying Yorktown and so much more. Jim tells Felix everything up until the moment his younger counterpart and Felix called him at his apartment. Felix hangs on every word, winces at every blow Jim mentions. He looks more and more worried as Jim tells his story. He knows Jim made it out and he's impressed, but the cost...

"It wasn't until after that I realized my PINpoint was gone and I was cut off from the Nexus...and from you. I sent the message to the house as soon as I got back." Hoping and praying Felix would come looking for him. He can see the hurt in the younger Caelus' eyes. Knows how close they've come to being apart for good this time. So Jim smiles and for once it isn't forced. "I'm going to be alright, Felix." He always says that, but this time he means it.

"I'm...I'm glad to see you coping."
"There's only one thing that's hurting me." Jim leans closer to the terminal, as though he could reach through the screen across an impossible distance and touch Felix if only he could get close enough. "I miss you. I haven't seen you hardly since this summer. Since before you disappeared. I'm tired of this, so whatever we have to do to get past it. I'm telling you right here, right now. I want to do it. I'm sorry for how I acted after we rescued you. Sorry I was too proud and too weak to be there for you when you needed me."

Felix swallows a lump in his throat, expression wavering between hopeful longing and shame underneath the hood he's wearing.

"I..it wasn't your fault." Felix stumbles over his words before the floodgates burst free. "It was my fault. I never faulted you for wanting to stay away, and I didn't dare show my face to you myself but...But I love you. I want you back. Nothing is right without you here."

"So no more running away then, for either of us. Once I get the PINpoint the other Jim is sending me I'll be there by your side again. I'll dye your hair for you so you don't have to see the reminder every day in the mirror until it grows back in."

"I..that would help." Then neither of them has to look at it. Jim's smile grows so soft when Felix bows his head in shame.

"I don't mind it white, but you'll look more yourself this way. Can go around in Tamriel and the Nexus freely without people asking questions."

"Thank you, Jim."

The days stretch into weeks. Every day Felix calls and every day Jim answers. It's not fair to have to rely solely on these machines with their electricity and signals to see Jim's face. Hear his voice. After everything that's happened to come this far and yet have the captain be so much farther away, in a place Felix can't reach. Too far for Felix to even fathom the distance involved. To even be sure Jim's real and this isn't just some intelligent recording left behind. Hearing his voice, seeing his expressions with a tiny delay reminding Felix he's somewhere in the Void. Somewhere Felix can't reach.

It's more than they've spoken to each other in months. Every day Jim sounds a little more relaxed until he's back to himself. Comfortable talking to Felix like he hasn't been in so long. It stirs something nearly forgotten in the conjurer, enough to scent the air uncertainly. He asks how Jim's day has gone and Jim gives him a smile that could outshine the rising sun. It's disarming, that smile. How can Jim still look at him that way? But he is, though Jim's stuck half a galaxy away he's smiling at Felix in that way that has always made a heat curl in the conjurer's stomach.

"What have I missed today?" The question is routine by now. Jim's come to realize by now that Felix doesn't often leave Jim's house in Iowa. Not until Stratos bullies him into leaving for a decent meal, or to get Felix fitted for new leathers, or to try taking up his drills and magic again. Felix sleeps on the couch so he can keep the terminal in sight otherwise and Jim tries not to keep the conjurer waiting. He's often stuck in meetings or with work and he can't shunt it off but it's a distraction at least. Felix has it so much worse stuck waiting with nothing to help pass the time.

And when Felix hesitates or chokes on his words Jim is right there, as much as he can be. When the tears sting and prick at Felix's eyes and he can't hold them at bay Jim's voice is there to soothe him as best he can just like Felix used to when Jim would wake screaming from his night terrors. He talks until Felix has himself under control and then walks the conjurer through the steps needed to turn the volume up enough so that Jim can be heard from the couch. He talks to Felix until the conjurer falls asleep.

"Good night, Felix." And that becomes routine, too.

Every day Felix calls. Every day Jim answers. Every night Jim talks until Felix is able to drift to sleep, wishing and dreaming for this to be over.

Until finally there's fingers gently brushing Felix's hair out of his face on a sleepy morning oppressively silent thanks to the softly falling snow outside. Jim's still in his dress uniform, PINpoint gripped in his free hand. Felix starts awake and tumbles right off the couch. No one else should be here. No one else had these coordinates except...

"Easy, easy. I've got you." Jim's pulling Felix to his feet and laughing and there's none of the slightly off tone or the time delay of the terminal. Warm hands are on Felix's shoulders.
"You-- You're finally here."
"I couldn't wait until this evening for you to call. I wanted to see you."

It's not a dream. It's not a dream it's real this time. Felix hesitates when he reaches up to touch Jim's face. Make sure he's real. There's no beard or sense of misplacement, this isn't a cruel joke. It's him. Jim's come back.

They embrace, there's tears. There's laughter, and Felix thinks that perhaps Jim is the only person in all the worlds that could still make him laugh. They won't let each other go for hours. It's only after they've cleaned up later that Jim takes Felix to his small and empty apartment in Yorktown to fix Felix's hair for him. Looking more like himself again puts the conjurer at ease. Teases more smiles out of him and more easily. He's feeling brave enough to follow Jim outside and to see Yorktown for himself.

There's an undeniable shock when Felix's gaze swings from the spotless streets and vertigo-inducing towers (because he's never encountered anything like those, even) out to the horizon, or rather, a different horizon up there.

"....What?"

He's gripping Jim's hand very tight head craned back as he spins round trying to make sense of the buildings curving through the sky above - and below?

More than anything Jim wants to show Felix how Yorktown looks from outside it, from the bridge of his ship as they approached what Bones had called a snowglobe sitting out in the Black. In many ways Bones isn't wrong. There's a beauty to Yorktown's design in how it makes use of the artificial atmosphere and gravity shields to the best of its ability. To the rows of greenhouses providing the colony's food supplies and the towering skyscrapers on the opposite side of the flooring tackling the colony's business, financial, and political needs. It's A Starfleet Base first and foremost but it's brought business and trade with it as all populous places will.

For now they will have to make do with the tour Jim is giving Felix. Walking him past the Command building where Jim's spending most of his time these days. Showing him the tiny hole in the wall fusion restaurant serving Vulcan/Chinese food. Back toward Jim's apartment building when a voice cuts through the crowd.

"Captain Kirk?" And Jim finds himself falling into the role without letting go of Felix's hand. His posture straightening and face clearing to calm and collected before he turns around.
"I'm off duty at the moment...." A glance at the uniform the man is wearing tells Jim all he needs to know, "Lieutenant."
"I know. Admiral Cartwright told me to deliver this to you right away, sir." He holds out a small container, no bigger than a shoe box. "These were all that was recovered of yours from the Enterprise, sir. She was adamant you get them right away."

The awe of it all still hasn't worn off, for Felix. That's going to take quite a long time, because every turn brings another impossible vista, some new sort of alien strolling by, another device or sound or hairdo that just strikes him as strange. But the raw shock has eased, so that instead of his head snapping around, eyes darting hither and yon every two minutes, he's settled into a pleasantly overwhelmed haze. No-one feels the need to pay him a second glance, and given how out of place he feels that's a rather odd feeling. A suit works just as well as an invisibility spell, it turns out. It makes him feel as if he and Jim are the only ones who actually see each other.

It's an odd frame of mind he's in, but he's happy just holding Jim's hand and taking this peculiar space walk. So it's particularly jarring when someone else calls Jim's name. Breaks the illusion. He's on alert immediately, expression guarded as he turns to study the man. His hand stays tight on Jim's, but otherwise he's keeping half a step back, avoiding drawing attention until he knows what this man wants.

But his expression softens when the box is produced. A wry, rueful smile quirks his lips. Poor Jim. There can't be much in there.

Jim's grip on Felix's hand is safe and sure even as his other hand clutches tight to the container he'd been given while they walk back to the apartment. They pass by the holo-monument to the lives lost and Jim makes sure to clear away any speck of litter that might have accumulated. He shuts his eyes and bows his head in a moment of silence before he leads Felix back up the winding road (and if he looks back for the restaurant he'll find they have gone up indeed despite the road appearing more or less flat) and back toward his quiet apartment.

"I didn't expect to get something like this."

Jim's voice is so quiet it would be easy to miss amid the hustle and bustle around them. He lets them back into the apartment and sets the container down at his kitchen table.

He opens the box.

There's precious little inside.

A damaged holo of George Kirk, Wynona, and Sam standing in front of their Iowa farmhouse. A burned book too damaged to read that still bears a few recognizable letters in Cyrodillic--remnants of one of the books Jim borrowed from Felix's childhood home in Bruma to try and teach himself the language. Sitting at the bottom is a partially melted pendant. Jim lifts it out, wiping away the soot staining the metal and it's only now that his expression has clouded. He can't give that to Felix now. Not a scarred ruined remnant of what should have been an oath to honor. To love. To cherish. It's too close to home. Too reflective of the damaged broken men standing here at Jim's table. Too much of a reminder of the paperwork gone of all the work he'd been doing in secret. Felix deserves better. Jim will get rid of it.

Felix is there, at Jim's side, and though he's curious he also isn't sure if he should take more than a glance at what's in there. He focuses on Jim, on staying close and reassuring for him. But he does sneak a look, because he is still Felix Caelus. A tiny noise escapes him because that pendant looks strangely familiar but...

"I don't remember that."
"It's nothing." The reply comes much too quickly and Jim's already looking away, dropping the ruined amulet back into the container in a rush. Felix reaches for it when Jim's gotten rid of it. It looks like something from his world, but it's not something he's ever given Jim. The moment Felix touches it he feels the faint energy emanating from it. It is from his world, the same warmth a healing spell ought to give just faintly coming off the pendant. No panic knifing at Felix. This is what it should feel like.

"When did you get this...?" There's a ringing in Felix's ears, his own voice distant as it sinks in what he's holding. Trying to make sense of this tiny little blessing being here in his hand in a town in the middle of the Void billions of miles from Jim's home planet let alone Felix's own world. Felix is still connected to Mara's light even now. Everything is going to be okay.

Jim sputters and shakes his head. Half aborted gestures and words as he cuts himself off time and again trying to explain away what it is Felix is holding in his hand.

"It's...I.."
"You do know what this is." Felix can see it in Jim's expression. The gravity of the symbolism this pendant carries.

Jim nods then.

"It would have been two years. So..." Jim's hand is rubbing the back of his neck now, his own gaze locked on to the charred pendant in Felix's hand. Does he say how long he'd planned it? How he'd held onto it even after they rescued Felix from the Runeblades' grasp? He sighs.
"Two years at Halloween."
"I got it way before that but..." Jim shrugs, "I never got the chance to ask you if you wanted it."

Is this happening right now? Felix is flushed now, suddenly questioning the last few months anew.

"But I never realized... I didn't think you were interested in that sort of arrangement. Although it's not the first time I've been mistaken there..."
"I'll have to start over on my work if you want it." Jim lifts his head finally and meets Felix's gaze again.
"Your work?"
"Your paperwork to make you a Federation citizen and qualified to be a civilian contractor aboard my ship. And...my husband. It's a loophole in the regulations, and I thought--" Nerves making Jim ramble now as he gestures vaguely.

Felix's eyes are wider than they were outside, the conjurer reaching out to grip Jim's arm with his free hand.

"You're... offering me a place in this world." Does he understand? "O-on your ship?" At Jim's side, always? It's that shocked and hopeful awe that breaks Jim out of his stupor. He runs his hand through his hair and swears in half a dozen languages as he takes the pendant from Felix's hand and drops down to one knee in front of the conjurer. Holds the amulet of Mara out with both hands and offers it for Felix to take.

"A place here with me." Jim confirms.

Felix looks uncertain of what he's doing right up to the moment Jim holds out the amulet so emphatically. He reaches down, accepting it, but not without wrapping both his hands over Jim's. Meeting his eyes.

"I don't know what I'll have to do for this, or.... all of what it will mean. But I don't have to. There is no place I would be except at your side." Felix isn't imagining the way the pendant warms with both their hands touching it.

"You...seriously?" Jim's getting to his feet with Felix tugging him up, an uncertain smile starting across his face.
"You didn't seriously think I was going to turn you down, did you?"
"Little bit." Jim laughs even as Felix is pulling his captain into his arms for a fervent kiss.

Everything is going to be okay.

Of the four hundred and thirty-six souls that left Yorktown on board the Enterprise, only a little over two hundred are still alive. Jim read the mission logs from where he was sitting in Yorktown's General hospital having just finished his evals like every member of his crew had to do in the wake of the attempted assault on the base. The guilt that normally gouges and sticks to Jim's insides is still there, but it is not as loud as it usually is.

He will have to write letters of course. Letters to the families of the deceased that explain their loved ones reason for never returning home. The structure of it already coming to mind while he sits and reads over the preliminary reports from Bones, Spock, Scotty, Sulu, and Uhura. Chekov's Jim knows already as he was with Jim throughout most of the events. And while this prospect saddens him he also feels a sense of pride rippling underneath his skin when he spies any of his people in the halls of this place.

Alive.

How close did they all come to destruction? Not only them, but Yorktown as well? Jim knows the answer better than anyone. It is not nothing that he and what remains of his crew have accomplished here today. The captain does not think those who were lost would want any of them to forget that. They are heroes every one of them. Especially those who did not make it back.

Still, Jim's relieved at Bones inviting him out for a drink. He's heard by now that Ambassador Spock has been listed as deceased, has turned down the promotion for Vice Admiral here in Yorktown. It seems amusing now that he'd been considering the posting at all. For the first time in months Jim dons a set of jeans, a simple teeshirt, and a leather jacket. All new, obviously, since his own possessions were destroyed with the Enterprise.

"They're going to be giving us the new ship in development. Scotty's trying to talk them into naming it the Enterprise-A. Make it feel more like home." It's a tired smile, but a genuine one. Jim chuckles at the way Bones recoils at the word 'home'. He's not fooling anyone.

"You're telling me you didn't even try to get our time shortened out there?" Bones grouses and grumps and Jim's smile widens. It lights up his tired face.

"Reduced? Bones, we know our way through the nebula now. Think of what we'll be able to find out there!"

"I hate this and I hate you."

"It's going to be so much fun." A beat and Jim realizes they're close to the fleet warehouse where he knows the new ship is under construction. He knows there's no bars down this way. "Where are we going anyway? I thought you said we were going out for a couple of drinks."

"Well..." Jim turns because the guilt in Leonard's voice is palpable. "I know you said not to mention it to anyone, but..."

""Happy Birthday Captain!!"" A chorus of greetings roots Jim to the spot and he finds himself struggling as he stares at the sea of faces. What day is...oh. Oh. Jim swallows, but the tremors don't start. Not when he looks out and sees the faces of his crew--his family--smiling back at him. As grateful that he's alive and here as he is of them. It's a strange feeling. No one mentions Remembrance day, no one asks him anything. They raise their drinks and offer him one. This must be how it feels to be valued. When he looks back at Loeonard, it's not with hatred. it's with shocked gratitude for something he hadn't even known he needed.

His eyes wet when he raises his glass. No matter what the occasion he still feels it necessary to toast to those who aren't with them. To honor their friends no longer here. Out across the room is a large window showing off the construction of Starfleet's newest ship.

Jim's ship, soon.

His mind drifts as he watches the construction to his friends across the dimensional gate in the Nexus. He's missed Christmas and New Years by now. Knowing the date, his counterpart is sure to be hiding away somewhere safe and alone. Felix will probably still be at the Imperial Capital sleeping off the days of revelry and drinking the New Year brings.

"Neither one of you had your PINpoints on you when the ship was attacked, did you." He knows the answer before he asks but Jim breaks his gaze out the window to look at either side of him to Bones and Spock anyway.

"We did not, Captain. Though it would have likely helped if we'd had access to it." Spock sets his glass down on one of the nearby tables in case Jim needs support.

"No, Jim. I'm sorry." Bones drops his own gaze to his glass. Jim won't be able to go back, now. The decision on whether or not to leave the Nexus for good seems to have been made for all of them but it'll hit Jim the hardest. Every trinket Felix had given him, every scrap of paper for that foolhardy plan to smuggle Felix into their world and bring him on board for good....all of that is gone now.

The rest of the crew gathers around and Jim says nothing more about the Nexus. He congratulates Jaylah on her acceptance into Starfleet Academy, an easy favor to call in considering everything that's transpired here. Besides, her technical acumen despite no formal education is impressive. He has no doubt she'll make a fine engineer in a few years. He accepts a hug from Demora Sulu when she and her father come to join Hikaru at the celebration. She's getting so big now.

When they leave, Jim stops to set down a full glass of champagne next to a holographic display of a planned memorial to the Enterprise crew who gave their lives in the line of duty protecting Yorktown. His smile slips off his face as the door to his temporary quarters slips shut, eyes sharp as he strides directly over to the communications terminal.

It's a long shot but Jim's not about to give up on the Nexus yet. He punches in his clearance to get an outside channel and sends a brief message to his farmhouse back on Earth in Iowa. There's no details given, only Jim's contact frequency while he's stationed in Yorktown. A secure line at that. If anyone can find that, they'll call him. And if they don't know what it is, he's certain the other Jim Kirk will.

All he can do now is wait.

Everything is gone.

Jim's pulled on his gloves and all weather survival suit that was stored within his Kelvin pod (and gods do not think about that now Jim there's no time--) before kicking the door open and touching foot down on Altamid. No sentient life on the surface but extensive activity below ground, the scanners said. The distress call came from a lone survivor on a science vessel doing work within a particularly dense nebula beyond Yorktown's space. Part of the base's purpose has been sending out Magellan probes to try and map out and penetrate this very entity.

Make known the unknown.

Kalara's ship was stranded. She needed help. Jim had been right in the middle of his meeting with the senior admiralty stationed at Yorktown when she arrived on site. Starfleet crafted a high stakes rescue mission. The nebula was far too dense for contact with Starfleet to be maintained. Any ship that went in there to perform a rescue operation would be completely alone. Obviously, there was only one choice on which ship to send. The Enterprise is the most advanced ship of her class and stationed at Yorktown. More than the ship's capability her crew contain some of the best officers in the fleet. Men, women, and others-survivors of both the Narada assault and the terrorist attack on Starfleet by one John Harrison. They were called back from shore leave and sent out to carry out the rescue operation. A call each of them swiftly replied to.

Half an hour ago there were four hundred and thirty six souls alive and well on the Enterprise. At least third of them are dead now, either sucked into space or killed outright by the assault on the ship and the boarding party. Jim's boots crunch on the dead plant matter underfoot and for all he knows he may be the only surviving member of his ship in this moment. Jim's still not sure what that swarm even was. They were ships of some kind, numerous enough to sacrifice dozens by hurtling them through the Enterprise's main engine, the nacelles, the ship itself.

The precious few minutes the attack lasted feel like an eternity. Jim can remember Spock's comm going dark, needing to separate the disc from what was left of the bulk of the ship. Buy enough time for the crew to use their escape pods. His body aches from the fight he got into with their attacker's leader. With every step Jim replays those moments in his head. What did a swarm of creatures from a supposedly uninhabited planet want with an artifact that for all intents and purposes was nothing more than a marker of his failure at negotiating a peace treaty between the Teenaxi Delegtion and the Fibonian Repubic? It was part of a weapon, Jim remembers. But only part. It was of no use alone.

If whoever initiated this attack was willing to destroy a Federation ship and her crew, potentially start a war with the entire Federation to get the artifact, Jim's willing to bet they already have the other part of the weapon. How they knew his ship was carrying it, the captain doesn't know. Doesn't care.

They took his crew. Whether they're alive yet or not, Jim doesn't know. But he has to find them. Has to find the ensign he hid the artifact with before the ship was abandoned completely. The Enterprise is destroyed but maybe he can save what's left of his crew. Movement catches Jim's eye. Kalara. She's survived too. Felix would have suspected her sooner, Jim's sure. The captain pulls his phaser out of its holster and hurries through the underbrush. He needs to find out what part she plays in this.

He needs a plan.

No matter how weird or strained things are between them, no matter how busy or stressed or exhausted Jim's been he'd made sure to send something for Felix's birthday. It's small this year, nothing more than a note and a bottle of the mage's favorite brandy from Jim's world. He left it at the guard station for Felix and went right back to work.

Jim hasn't gotten any messages since.

They haven't been seeing much of each other since the Nightmare unraveled, partially because Jim's been avoiding everyone like the plague. Even his counterpart has been brushed aside now as sleep deprivation and Remembrance Day grow ever closer. A year older. A year older than George Kirk ever got to be. And for what? What has he done to be worthy of that when his father sacrificed so much to give him this life? Jim should be dead. He doesn't deserve this.

He doesn't deserve Felix.

Not when he can't even decide who he is and what he wants. His PINpoint sits unused and ignored in his deskside drawer. The ornate dragon statuette moved to a shelf over by the replicator and out of Jim's line of sight from his desk. If he accepts this promotion in Yorktown, he'll be leaving his crew behind. How could he keep going to the Nexus if he's turning his back on his family on the Enterprise? Jim knows the answer. He can't.

If he takes this promotion, he's going to be leaving the Nexus for good.

The captain buries his hands in his hair and leans over his desk. Jim doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know what he should do. What he wants to do. What the right answer is. It's all a mess and nothing is right. He's so tired.

He just wants the world to make sense again.

Sharing the link to Harrowheart's journal as his mun has been kind enough to gather the logs from this momentous occasion.

The Doc will be updated periodically as we progress and anyone who wants to read is welcome to take a look :)

Edit: Document has been brought up to date! We're getting close to the end now, come check out what the gang's been up to!

You'd think this would be easier.

Find a place that's safe and quiet. Out of the way where neither of them has to be 'On' and neither of them has to worry about being bothered. Dig out a chess set, get a couple of drinks (make sure a certain Jim doesn't get too many drinks), and there you go. There's just one small problem with this idea.

There isn't a safe place anymore.

Jim's barely been able to hold still in the Nexus and he's already so high energy that some of the denizens don't think he's capable of sitting down. He doubts his counterpart is having an easier time of it. Jim's forgotten which of them came up with the idea. Inclined to think it was himself, but then he's pretty sure the younger one would say the same so who even knows.

They'll hash out the details as they go. Jim locks his quarters with his override code before shooting a set of PINpoint coordinates to his counterpart.

Chess set's set up. We doing this?

You look so bright, even when you're burning. So bright.

The streaming sunbeams casting their patterns on the floor of Marcella's store blur and run together as Jim pinches the bridge of his nose and blinks away tears. His fear and anxiety mingling like the colors in his vision he can't separate they way they ought to. Jim can't call Felix anymore--he's filled up the other's mailbox with his messages that have gone unanswered.

It's with some care that he rolls up his sleeves and removes his all weather gloves when Marcella comes back with a pair of fine leather bracers and a cloak for him to pack that is thick enough to withstand the Brumese mountain chill.

Does he have to burn to be seen, now? Have to scream to be heard?

His hands steady of their own accord once he's got the laces drawn properly. As though someone's released the spigot holding back the nervous energy that's left him shaking. Trembling with boiling over emotions. If he stares for long, he can make out the faint golden hues shining through every grain of wood in the bow he has leaning against his leg.

James Kirk is not a man of this world. Not a mage nor a hunter nor an Imperial. He is an intruder in this place. Yet he dons their apparel and lets their magic work through him. He bows his head and murmurs a prayer he's heard Felix recite before.

He has no magic. No kill to offer.

But he prays to the Grand Hunter that he will find what he's tracking. The gods do not exist in Jim's realms, but they are alive and well here. And it is to them that Jim prays. For the strength, endurance, and luck he will need to find what's most important to him in this world.

In any world.

If he has to burn to bring Felix back, well. Jim has done so before. If that's what it takes to bring Felix back to himself, Jim will become nearly anything to make it so.

Shifts have been all over the place in the last few weeks. There had been an outbreak of a virus on the ship leaving the Enterprise understaffed while the Medbay stayed full to bursting dealing with the disaster. Spock and Bones have hardly slept in three days with their work, leaving Jim with the nagging feeling of uselessness he gets in emergencies that aren't within his expertise to solve.

The only thing he could think of to do was to pick up as many shifts as possible to give those who were healthy a chance to rest. He's on his third consecutive shift and while Yeoman Rand has been keeping a steady supply of coffee for the captain even that is starting to not be enough to keep the captain awake.

He rifles through the stack of data pads at his station before picking up the one at the bottom and switching it on. He'll work on his pet project during the downtime--something to actively focus on will keep fatigue from catching up with him.

He's found the Starfleet regulations he needs to cite. The paperwork still needs to be done, but he doesn't want to turn to Bones or anyone else for help with this until he's absolutely sure it will work. Which colonies have passing xenotoxicology degrees that he can forge. Getting a fake ID will be easier, especially if he uses a Rim colony. But which one? Do any of the brass at Starfleet have relatives there that would impede this facade? What's their security like on their systems? He'll get the paperwork he needs and forge the rest of it. Craft an identity and then....

Probably get yelled at by Bones for what he's trying to do, before Jim convinces him to sign off on the requests. He won't refuse in the end. Jim hopes, at least. He sets the PADD aside when McKesson calls out a reading on the scanners.

Request for addition of civilian contractor, it reads.

Position: Science officer. Specialty: xenotoxicology.
Name: Felix Caelus