smartass_captain

From:

He's missed Jim painfully the last few weeks. Hazy as they've been, even shut away in his childhood house where no Jim ought to be expected, the captain's absence has been a gaping emptiness at his side, a silence hanging in every room. No-one to steal the blankets from each night, no warm arms draped over him in the night, no waking up to a blinding smirk as he's poked in the cheek.

He asked Stratos, tentatively. He saw the first message from Jim and after that hid his phone where he wouldn't hear it. He'd told himself he shouldn't see Jim yet and he wasn't sure, really, how much that was true and how much was his fear of the conversation he knew would have to come.

Because he couldn't expect Jim to accept him back. Not after what he did. Knowing that Jim loved him enough to come and save him in spite of it - in spite of what he'd become - hurts too much to bear. Felix can't even accept his actions. How could Jim live with them? He has enough memories haunting him already.

And yet here they are. Jim's clinging to him with all the trust and love Felix knows he's already thrown on the pyre and he's trembling with longing for what he no longer has a right to. He swallows. Has to make himself let go of Jim's hand. Thank all the gods it worked.

"You don't..." He checks himself. Keep it simple. "It's the least I owe you, Jim." He reaches for the coffee. "Can you hold on to this now? It might help. I should start on your knees, and then we can get that steel off you."