To Tamriel and Beyond

Sharing the link to Harrowheart's journal as his mun has been kind enough to gather the logs from this momentous occasion.

The Doc will be updated periodically as we progress and anyone who wants to read is welcome to take a look :)

Edit: Document has been brought up to date! We're getting close to the end now, come check out what the gang's been up to!

Decisions not made Lightly

They're having a fight.

Briefing Room A has been occupied by the Enterprise's highest ranked officers for most of the morning. Jim hasn't moved from his seat the entire time, despite his usual penchant for pacing and gesturing wildly. Especially when he's in a bad mood. Today though he's remained seated and mostly listened while Bones and Spock chew his ass out for getting hurt yet again while in the Nexus for a supposedly trivial affair.

"What do you expect me to do? I didn't go looking for trouble at the Halloween party, okay?" They don't know the details of Jim's encounter over there but they know enough to be frustrated. It's been increasingly dangerous in the Nexus this year. Khan's return, the takeover, Felix's altered state and Jim's departure to his world to save the man, now Halloween.

Every time Jim's arguments are the same. Bones and Spock have had enough.

"I expect you to do the logical thing and stop making trips to such an unstable place. Your work is here, Captain. Aboard the Enterprise. These ceaseless reminders of the import of your safety and responsibility to the mission make me wonder how you've continued to ignore our warnings for so long." Jim's first officer is standing at his usual parade rest. Jim knows just by the way the Vulcan's nostrils flare ever so slightly that he's clenching and clenching his hands behind his back. He's pissed. Or, as pissed as a Vulcan ever admits to being.

Which they don't.

Jim knows he is though. Won't be sticking his neck out in the vicinity of his first officer anytime soon. It's a good way to get choked out in his experience. And after the incident with Felix, Jim's not so keen on even risking it again.

"Spock...look, Jim. I know why you're doing this," McCoy starts from his seat across from Jim at the table. It gets him a sharp look from Spock.

"You do, doctor?"

"It's about the boy. Caelus, right?" Bones doesn't even bother to look amused when Jim shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Of course it is. Increasingly most of Jim's dumbass decisions revolve around the so-called mage from Tamriel. "Jim, you gotta let it go. If he's not coming back, there's no reason to stay in the Nexus. You said it yerself. Ya'll can't even be in the same room without one of you having a breakdown. He left. Sooner or later you're going to have to accept that."

"He didn't...I mean. We're still working it out." Jim scrubs a hand through his hair and tries not to look as guilty as he feels. They're both right. Jim's putting the mission and his crew at risk the more time he spends in the Nexus, and for no real benefit from what they can see. They don't know the people there the way Jim does. All they see is their captain injured and traumatized time and again.

For what?

"You cannot have a mate from another dimension, Captain." Spock sighs and takes a step forward, though the steel in his voice has eased. It's almost as though Spock gets it. Doing things he shouldn't because of someone he has feelings for. "I should think this proves that your personal project will not amount to any sort of happiness for either of you. Perhaps...the doctor is right. Maybe it's time to move on."

"What? NO!" No amount of fatigue stops the anger in Jim's voice, though it's short lived when he sees nothing but genuine concern on both his commander and CMO's faces. "I...I can't just..."

He thinks to the subspace transmission loaded onto his terminal in his room. The request from Yorktown. The meeting concerning his promotion. Jim's gaze flits between each of them, his mouth opening and closing as he thinks. He's not happy right now. He's so far from it it's laughable to even suggest he'd been happy at one point. This ship. This position. It's not forever. Why is he holding on to all of this?

To any of this?

Wouldn't it be easier...better...? To let it go? Move on with his life like he's always done before?

"I'll think about it. Dismissed."

"Captain--"
"Now listen here Jim--"

"Dismissed. I have work to do." Jim gets up out of his chair and hates the dizziness that comes from his lack of sleep. There's no way he can keep this up the way he's been going. But what exactly is the right thing to do? Is he really going to turn his back on the Nexus?