The noise Felix makes has Jim crying all over again, unable to stop. It's not just pain he's feeling; there's genuine relief and happiness at Felix reassuring Jim that he still loves the captain no matter how broken he is. Assurance that he hasn't abandoned Jim entirely and moved on like so many have before.
Felix is here and he loves Jim. Two years together and still Jim can hardly believe it. That the worthless child deemed unworthy of even living has someone who loves him like this. He doesn't deserve these emotions but Jim is selfish. He doesn't want to let go of them now that he's experienced them.
The Nightmare's terrors and trauma don't leave him in much of a state for deep conversation just yet, however. Jim hears the pain in Felix's voice but he can't process the nuances of what the other is saying yet. The implications that he'll go away once Jim is healed so as not to burden the other more than necessary. That Felix still thinks their situation is unsalvageable.
In the moment all Jim hears is 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' and he cries because for once in his life he is allowed to do so without fear of repercussion. He cries for the horrors he relived. For the lies that place made him convinced were true. For nearly choosing to die rather than push on and come back to Felix's side. For the raw helpless feeling of being loved and knowing he does not deserve it.
Jim cries for several minutes.
There's no way of knowing when he gets himself under control again. When the sobs that wrack his body relent enough for him to catch his breath. Finally lets go of Felix and slumps back against the couch. Felix still has a job to do, and Jim thinks he can sit still without touching him long enough to let him do it now.
Everything is raw and exposed. Jim's too tired for vitriolic self loathing after his display though he vaguely realizes how pathetic he must look. Too broken to process human emotions without having a complete breakdown. Why Felix still cares for him, Jim doesn't know.
"Ju...just stay. Please." He won't give Felix any more trouble. Will let him finish treating the captain's wounds.
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Felix is here and he loves Jim. Two years together and still Jim can hardly believe it. That the worthless child deemed unworthy of even living has someone who loves him like this. He doesn't deserve these emotions but Jim is selfish. He doesn't want to let go of them now that he's experienced them.
The Nightmare's terrors and trauma don't leave him in much of a state for deep conversation just yet, however. Jim hears the pain in Felix's voice but he can't process the nuances of what the other is saying yet. The implications that he'll go away once Jim is healed so as not to burden the other more than necessary. That Felix still thinks their situation is unsalvageable.
In the moment all Jim hears is 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' and he cries because for once in his life he is allowed to do so without fear of repercussion. He cries for the horrors he relived. For the lies that place made him convinced were true. For nearly choosing to die rather than push on and come back to Felix's side. For the raw helpless feeling of being loved and knowing he does not deserve it.
Jim cries for several minutes.
There's no way of knowing when he gets himself under control again. When the sobs that wrack his body relent enough for him to catch his breath. Finally lets go of Felix and slumps back against the couch. Felix still has a job to do, and Jim thinks he can sit still without touching him long enough to let him do it now.
Everything is raw and exposed. Jim's too tired for vitriolic self loathing after his display though he vaguely realizes how pathetic he must look. Too broken to process human emotions without having a complete breakdown. Why Felix still cares for him, Jim doesn't know.
"Ju...just stay. Please." He won't give Felix any more trouble. Will let him finish treating the captain's wounds.