smartass_captain | Scientific Progress goes 'Boink'

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Scientific Progress goes 'Boink'

There's a message stuck to a door, last door on the left of a certain apartment complex in a certain New York. It's replicated paper, definitely a different sort of feel to it than one would expect in 2013.

Paper isn't the preferred message delivery device in the 2250s. Replicated paper and replicated ink.

Clint

Head to my place when you get this. Bring Ver.

Bones knows you're coming, he'll get you where you need to go. Don't bring your bow, we're not leaving home.

See you soon hopefully,

Jim

((Feel free to post without me until you guys actually get through the door to the Enterprise. I'm stuck in training/meetings and won't have another solid break for 2.5/3 hours from now. Will post actively after that time.))

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"....Nnnhh."

They're looking at him. They know. He knew this was going to happen. Shouldn't have let them stay. Not with him. It's pitiful isn't it? Not being able to function like a normal goddamn person.

With the lights on Jim has no choice but to sit up, despite the protesting pain in his abdomen. He still isn't able to properly breathe, panic attack not subsiding knowing he's here and okay. It's reinforced by the replacement emotions of shame and dread. The worst sponsor emotions to ever get a deal working with the brain.

Suddenly there's just this burning desire to be out, somewhere they can't see him like this. BUt that's no good either. If he bails on them, his crew is going to see. he's trapped.

Jim's not even aware he's shaking or crying, trying to process unattainable escape plans.

Well, that's not good. Screw her glasses, that can wait. She doesn't need them to see he's panicking. Clint's got water, so she'll keep trying to talk to him.

"Jim. Listen to me. It's okay. You'll get through this. We're going to help you get through this, just like you always help us. Can you tell me what you need?" She's moving slowly across the bed while she talks. If he doesn't balk at her approach, she'll land behind him on the floor so she can hug him and he can lean back against her.

No such thing as a no-win scenario. The escape plans are all a bust, Jim, try the "get hugged and maybe drink some water" plan.

"We're here, Jim, and we're not goin' away. We're family, and you're stuck with us."

When escape isn't an option, Jim internalizes. It's fight or flight for a reason.

"I'm fine." He snaps like a whip, going rigid in Verity's grip. It's a similar defensive mechanism to hers. Walling himself up. Pushing everyone else away. Burned bridges mean he's abandoning them, not the other way around. The distinction is important in his warped view of the world.

They're lying. Had to be. It's not okay, he's not okay and they're pitying him. They're starting to see how much trouble he is and they'll get tired of it. Empty promises. Words he's heard dozens of times before. They may not mean to, but Jim knows better. Knows how twisted he is and that people are right to hate him.

This was a mistake. All of it. They're seeing a Jim that he's kept hidden from even Bones and Spock. And Jim's shaking with the knowledge that he may have just blown his chance for a family again.

"It's not a big deal." He can't even talk without sounding like he's pulling the words out with a pliers through his constricted airways.

Yeah, she knows what he's doing.

The best part of knowing that is she knows how to get around it. Learn from her example, because the situation will be reversed again someday far too soon.

First things first, she doesn't let go of him. Her hold is light, gentle, but persistent. He can get away if he really wants to, but... why would he want to? If he won't lean against her, she'll lean against his back, soft and warm, with her chin on his shoulder. "Please don't push us away, Jim. We love you. Try to breathe. Just breathe with me, okay? Nice slow breaths. In, and out. In, and out."

She's warned him she's stubborn, right? Because she is stubborn.

They all take their turn doing this dance. Clint backs off a little, so as to avoid making Jim feel trapped, but he's still holding that water in arm's reach. Verity seems to have the quiet mantra in hand, so he offers the quiet support of his presence.

No one loves Jim Kirk. No one.

Which is fine. If no one loves you, no one walks away. No one matters. Except Clint and Verity do matter. They matter as much as Spock and Bones and they know.

Jim's goddamned terrified.

But there's no changing what's already happened. They know and he can't magically make them un-know. The breathing is helping; he feels less strangled in his own skin. He stops looking quite so flushed after a few minutes, and mutely reached for the glass of water once he's pretty sure he's not just going to drop it with his stupid shaking hands.

"...This...is why...I don't do sleepovers." He settles on finally. It's all he can think of to say.

If Verity didn't love him, would she be going so far out of her own comfort zone to help him? Silly boy. He should use that great big brain of his, just as soon as it reboots. He'll see.

She'll keep up the quiet breathing mantra until he reaches for the water, but she doesn't move away. "I don't think either of us expected you'd be a good sleeper, Jim." Not only do they know, but she at least already knew. But her tone is affectionate. That means something. "Did you hurt yourself?"

Clint's not going as far out of his comfort zone, but he's been down this hole before, as it were. "Nightmares happen. We're not gonna judge you for your dreams, bro."

"Any chance....we can pretend this didn't happen and go back to bed?"

Like, they go back to bed. Jim's pretty sure he's not getting back to sleep. He can put on some shorts and a t-shirt and go spend the rest of the night in the gym working out. That's how he usually handles this shit. That or paperwork.

Literally anything but going back to sleep.

And definitely not talking about it.

"Didn't hurt m'self. I'm fine." Nope, nope nope nope.

"Really, Jim?" She can't help but sound a tiny bit exasperated by the lies. But she's still hugging him. "We'll go back to bed when you come back to bed."

He's not getting out of this so easily. "You can't pretend forever. Trust me, I've tried. You're going to have to talk to somebody about this."

Bracing for another panic attack in three, two...

"But it doesn't have to be tonight"

"Yeah, you're up, we're up," Clint agrees. "If you don't wanna sleep, we can throw darts, or something."

He wouldn't have to talk about anything if he'd just sent them home earlier. But while he tenses, he doesn't say anything or pull away from Verity.

He does, however, give a rather pleading 'just drop it' look Clint's way.

"..." Does he really want to explain why he still has them on board when he supposedly went to bed? Not really, no. More people will assume and that would be fine except no it's not it's creepy as hell even if Clint and verity are attractive and so doable. "I'll go back t'bed." He finally mumbles, pulling himself away from Verity to sit on the side of the bed again.

"....Sorry, guys." There is so much self loathing in those two simple words.

Yes, he would. Eventually.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. You haven't done anything wrong." One of the benefits of having a sister who's so endlessly literal. It's just that simple to her. She'll stay on the floor until invited to join him again. She'll sit on the floor next to his bed all night if she has to.

"What can we do to help you right now?"

"What she said," Clint agrees. Although the darts offer was serious. If Jim wants a way to kill time and be awake, Clint can think of a few.

A drink or ten. One of Bones' sleep aids. A night of rough sex so he literally passes out. Working out until he passes out.

Really any severely unhealthy solution to make this problem go away is what Jim thinks he needs.

He's pretty sure none of those options are things they will grant him, and only one of them Jim actually agrees with them on.

"...I don't think I can go back to sleep." He finally admits. "...Dunno what to do now. But I'm pretty sure this isn't how sleepovers work."

"Traditional female sleepovers involve very little sleep," she explains with a smile. "Although I didn't bring supplies for the usual pastimes. You think someone would lend up some nail polish? Or you could braid my hair."

What? She never said she didn't try to have friends as a kid.

"Or we could find something else to do. A card game or we could go for a walk... Clint, could you find my glasses for me please?" She can't remember where she left them.

"Yeah. Uh, hang on... got 'em." Clint offers the glasses to Verity, holding them carefully so as not to smudge the lenses or drop them or anything.

"...Want to go back to the observation deck?"

They seemed to like it last time, and Jim really does too. And since Alpha shift is over, it's probably pretty quiet at this time of the 'day'.

Getting out of his quarters seems like a good plan, for now, regardless. Though he probably needs a shirt if he's going out.

"Thanks, Clint." She feels better with her glasses on. Less headachey. And the tinted lenses do a marvelous job hiding how tired she is.

"That would be nice. It's very peaceful up there." When he starts getting fidgety they can find something more active to do. She's going to need to get dressed.

"Sure thing," he replies.

"Yeah, the view was great up there," Clint agrees. Although this time, he's going to be keeping an eye on Jim out of the corner of his eye. It'll keep him from fidgeting (Clint, that is).

Everyone can get dressed at their own pace. It's not like they're in a hurry. Jim pulls on his uniform more out of habit than with any real intention to do work. Maybe it's a defense of sorts.

The observation deck is as quiet as it was the last time they were there. Only a few other crew members are around, and they all find somewhere better to be when they notice the Captain has come in, looking less than his best.

Some people feel small and insignificant when they look out at the night sky. They feel afraid of the expanse surrounding them. James Kirk has always felt mollified by this immensity. Something about how little anything mattered in the grand scheme of the cosmos made the burdens he carried feel a bit more insignificant too.

He won't make it twenty minutes in there without drifting back off to sleep in the first chair he'd settled into. And, judging by the little snores he's making soon after, he's properly knocked out this time.

Verity's not girlie-girl enough to hold things up. Jeans and shoes and a finger-combing of her hair is enough. She'll skip the shoes if they want, and can fuss with her hair while they walk. And the yawns can be stifled pretty well behind a hand. Usually, she'd have had coffee by now, but she's not going to ask for this sad space stuff they call coffee.

If Verity notices Jim is falling asleep, she pretends otherwise. The view is magnificent and she could use a little grandeur in her life. But the snoring makes her smile.

"I think he just hates beds," she murmurs to Clint.

Clint slept in his clothes, so make of that what you will. Barton.

That view really is magnificent, and Clint revels in it until he hears Jim snoring. Verity's suggestion gets a quiet chuckle. "Should we carry him back to his room?" he murmurs, "or get a blanket to put over him here?"

That's a tough decision. Both plans have plenty to weigh against them.

"We should probably try to get him back to his quarters before he has another nightmare," she admits. "He's upset enough that we saw that. Imagine if it was some random ensign."

Scientific Progress goes 'Boink'

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http://tinyurl.com/pcra9wm

Awww :(

Poor puppy.

He's so wrong.

He'll learn. <3

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